A New Me

im back again

2011-07-03T03:48:00.002+08:00

HELLO WONDERFUL PEOPLE!!
SO FAR, SO GOOD!
SORRY LAR, HAVENT BEEN UPDATING MY BLOG!
been pretty busy yaw!
been working real hard, thks to THAT DAMN 1-FOR-1 PROMOTIONs!
all of us are dying.

Work?
ive been good.
d staffs there loves me too.
i love them too.
hehe.
have been working with awesome team!
i love them.
reminds me of my staffs over at IS.
same!
hardworking, reliable.
hence, now, we became more than a colleague.
YEAH!
*claps hand*

well, nothing much to update though!
coz my life has been so mundane so far.
haha.
boring life I have now.
haha.
so, if u guys wanna meet me up, do contact me & make an appoinment with me aite!

okay peeps.
take GOOD care of yrself.
missing you!

depression? HELL NO!!

2011-04-13T11:41:00.002+08:00

& i dont know whether can I survive there? i really dont know. once, i felt like giving up. BUT its kinda stupid of me to eventually gives up just like that WHEN i haf went thru hell so far. the HELLS that i went thru in the past WAS & WERE BETTA OFF THAN RIGHT NOW! its just my 3rd day, coz im off on monday, & my 1st day working with that effing boss, he aimed me to the max! super to the max. i dont know wat the fuck that ive done there. pardon me for the "lil" wrongs that ive done, WHICH is just MINOR. coz it's been long since i did alot of things. d bar, d cash, d floor. but neither ONCE i forgot everything. i DIDNT forget AT AT ALL!! i JUST need time to adjust. with the environment like that, i think i can't. i assumed only. but as a matter of fact, the more u aim-ed me, the more ill do a fcuking GOOD job in front of you, & let alone YOUR staffs will follow the way I am. ill do it silently. im not changing BUT in fact, im just trying to clean & clear ALL the shits that ur side has messed it up! now i know how u run the operation. in fact, its just the 1st day i work with u. there will be more & more days ill be working with u. & i wanna see how capable my HOB, or shud i say, SSM is like. but seriously, i could get depression over there. really i can. i'd rather quit than having depression there. NOT worth it AT ALL. idk whether is it about the people or the environment that i hate/dislike. OR should i say, the operation flow there. coz different ppl got its own style of doing it. dont force me to do things that i long-ed time neva do it. my temper stops just like that. but dont like my temper goes up again, i dont want it to happen, yet again. really i dont. its hard for me to loosen down my temper, dont let it burnt out just like that. really, i just dislike that. dislike it so much. wateva it is, bless me. bless me that good things will come. really. coz i dont wanna stuck there for a LONG PERIOD OF TIME. p.s: "Its different coz u guys are not in my shoes." TAKE CARE PEEPS.

officially

2011-04-01T07:45:00.002+08:00

Goodbye team. I wish u all the best in IS. ill be good though in PBJ wef from 9th Apr. hmm. ill visit u whenever im free. take care ya. thanks for everything. take care. love u guys.

not happy but i haf to be happy.

2011-03-28T23:42:00.002+08:00

The transfer was being delayed. THANKS to my extended leave. nevertheless, ill be helping Cath's & Zizie's out for their month end. I was doing just fine, but idk why suddenly i became emotional. thinking that it will be d last few moments im working there. but nevertheless, the 3years+ journey was so memorable until i cudnt bear to part with it. but FnB line IS always like that. a journey further from home. ive got no choice but to go. to go to a place that im not sure whether ppl will like me or not. ive to stay humble. today, at work, i guess im not myself. i rather stay silence than talk. coz i know, by talking, its actually good for me BUT hmm. idk how to explains. well, counting down the days. im not prepared. NOT even anything. BUT the thing that im prepared is just my uniform + shoes. & another thing that has been on my mind is to make the team as one. that thing will slowly slowly land on my hands soon. i dont want any politics there. when ive achieved doing that, ill go to the next level. Sales. like how i did to IS, ill do the same thing to PBJ. fcuked care to my 2 bosses. if they wanna listen, they listen. if not, let me do the talking. that one haf to wait when im 3mths old in PBJ. ill haf to look for my frens & enemies closely & carefully. i dont wanna make a mistake AT all. hope everything's goes smoothly for me. pardon me if im being emotional this few days. let me be. coz im not happy at all. in fact, im vexed & sad. wateva it is, i accept. time. give me time. till then. bless me at my new outlet soon.

Coping well.

2011-03-21T23:09:00.003+08:00

Imagining my 3years down at the outlet where I grew, now it shattered.
I was unwillingly accepting the fact that im gg to a MORE bigger & high volume outlet.
Yurp, its true. Its another way of improving myself to another level.
what afraid me the most is, whether can i follow the pace there?
the people there? the staffs there? the HOB there? the atmosphere there?
thats wat im afraid of.
i dont want ppl to step over my head, thinking that they can bully me.
In fact, for the 1st month, i HAVE to be humble.
but within that 1st month, if they begins to step my head, i wont hesitate to voice out.
so what im working with an HOB of the rank SSM?
as a SSM, he/she needs & be able to control their management levels, not until like this.
gosh, now back to square one.
Like wat Cath said, i must know my friends & my enemies.
1st month, is through observing.
i must really blend fast, like zizie.
gg there as a management level, i guess the expectations will be high.
i coudlnt afford to make Cath/Aziz feels ashamed, well thanks to me.
i MUST make them proud. Super proud.
im gonna miss EVERYONE in my outlet.
IS. my 2nd home.
where i felt home/loved/hatred/relieved there.
Working with various types of people/staffs, from HOB, to ASM, to SHM, to CAPT, to J/CAPT to PT.
knowing their characters, from being a timid gal till i managed to voice out like a manager, i managed to pull myself out from those shells.
I've learnt alot from IS.
indeed, gg to Bugis, be it PBJ or CBJ, i know, they are giving me another opportunity to build up my management level skills.
the news being told by my HOB that day, really made my heart demoralised.
i couldnt say anything much.
i kept quiet, feeling emotional.
d 1st day when i got to know, i didnt cry, but in fact, my heart sank to d max. its like as though ive broke up with my bf.
d 2nd day, i felt it too much. i felt that my heart hurts d most.
i cried, while gg home from work.
i wanted so much to hug & talk to someone on that particular day.
But it seems that my bff was bz with her stuffs, so we didnt meet up.
Walking down towards d train + listening to d music, suddenly i felt emotional.
i didnt know that i cried. but its not too bad.
but the worst one was when i reached home.
i couldnt bear with it, i cried my lungs out.
felt relieved.
but now, i dont know how am i gg to react this sunday?
5more days with them.
i grew with them, esp Liyan & HuiRu.
being the bar trainer, & being d middle-person when they need something, i learnt to love them.
im their walking SOP as well as information centre.
now, they haf to rely on themselves.
they need to communicate with zizie & as well as cath.
they need to open up more, together.
gg out from IS, before month end, was indeed a stupid thing.
because, cath & zizie are all alone for month end, with allan's on leave.
with the j/capt coming to d outlet, i hope u guys can blend with her.
shes your new team members.
now, im coping well with the decision made by my upper management.
i began to look at d brightside.
experience. learning journey.
ill brg whateva knowledge that i haf made in IS to my new working place.
i WILL survive!!!

to my staffs, pls give ur utmost support to your HOB & d 2 managers.
please.
i dont know how its gg to be like, but i guess everything shall & will goes well.
i will miss u guys.
dont miss me too much.
& i bet, theres a lil bit of freedom inside bar rite?
coz no more silent killer.

but wateva i taught u guys, bear that in mind k.
good luck peeps.
last few days.
take care.
will miss u guys!
ill promise to drop by whenever im free!

MC + Rotting at home.

2011-03-05T10:27:00.002+08:00

MY 500th POSTS!!
woots woots.

Well.
Im on a 2days MC.
Will resume work tmr!
wow, its been long since i took MC.
i remembered the last time i took MC was when I WAS a part-timer back then!
how long it was?
3yrs?
hehehe.
3yrs later, NAH. 2 DAYS!!
nice rite?
it sucks!
especially with one tooth down!
gosh!
dont remind me.
dont mock at me.
im embarrassed to show ppl that im one tooth down.
coz my tooth wont grow back.
it will be like that forever.
but its betta to be one tooth down, rather than i haf to endure with the pain forever.
give me 1week to be myself again.
im having phobia of looking at myself over at the mirror.
& im having phobia of closing my eyes, to sleep coz it gives me nightmare.
as i colud see the extraction tools right in front of my face.
in fact, by posting this, i cud still feel the pain of the extraction.
gosh! forget it!
well, ill be fine, after 1week.
coz it stills swells.
thks for the concern peeps esp to my cuzzies, family, & even my HOB!

i felt bad for being on MC esp on a fri & sat.
haiz. indeed i missed working on saturday.
coz last week i WAS on PH, then this sat (today), im on MC. then next week, im on OFF.
its okay.
ill recover soon & help them out!
thats my promises to u guys.
one week.
ill haf difficulty in talking, & smiling.
yeah.

okay, enuf of that.
its been 1mth!
since im an MT.
learnt alot. i cudnt imagine that im an MT now.
my current HOB taught me ALOT of things.
she taught me things that i didnt know it existed.
& my MANAGER too, before he left to PP, he taught me how to speak up.
from then on, i know, i hold a responsibility of not only helping all my managers, but infact,
helping the staffs out.
1mth, passed by SO SO fast.
i cudnt imagine everything.
in fact, all outlets are looking at our boutique.
coz we haf 4 SICs.
so we cant say NO to peeps who needs an sic.
recently been attached to BC, as the key holder.
in fact, it was such a draggy moment at BC.
but it was an experience though!
thks for the experience.

hmm.
1mth.
thnks for the faith HOB!
woots woots.

& i know ive not been updating my blog.
coz ive been working closing shifts, & the moment i reached home, im way TOO lazy to switch on my lappy. hehe.
thats explains it.
im hoping for the next next week.
it was a bad experience. for the coming week's roster.
im feeling bad that cath has to finish it up.
haiz. im so sorry cath!

till then.
ill be back soon.
speedy recovery impy!

O.V.E.R

2011-02-16T00:15:00.002+08:00

IT'S FINALLY OVER!
IM WAY TOO HAPPY & RELIEVED.
THAT I FINALLY DID SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE MY LIFE A HAPPY GAL BACK.

now, all i can do is to focus on my expectations that ive set upon myself.
it was not a difficult task, but i know i can do it!

16th Feb!
d day to remember.

simple

2011-02-12T21:26:00.001+08:00

Updates!

Woohoo..
i know.
Have not been updating here.
coz been busy.
wanna update but then no mood.
thats why.

but i guess everything's back to normal now.
im beginning to love my life now.
with the frens, family & colleagues.
yurp.

so now, lets cherish every moments!
tc.
be back.

short

2011-02-07T23:53:00.002+08:00

nothing much to update.

just waiting for that day to come.
i dont know whether it will be a happy or sad moments for me.
coz the days are getting nearer.

& ive prepared a lil.
just that, mentally, stills not.
gotta brave up a lil on myself.
i know i can.

till then.
been busy with work.
so hold up all the meeting-ups, aite frens?

settled!

2011-01-26T22:04:00.002+08:00

its not easy to undastand ppl.
it takes alot of time, patience & understanding.

Im just being random.
nothing much.

im just being tired.
gd nite ppl.

ive got a fren's back.
im happy.

& i gotta work my ass off.
coz april im gg on leave.
to Sarawak.
with my family & aunties.
tickets been book-ed, & wow!
i just cant wait!
last time went to Sarawak was 3-4years ago?
woots.
then march, im gg KL for 2days. i mean 2days 1night.
its been long since i went holidays!
gotta enjoy myself.
really enjoy.

ok peeps, gotta sleep now.
nites.

mixes of thinkings.

2011-01-19T22:02:00.002+08:00

Yet again.
here am i blogging & updating my bloggie.
ive been busy with works & tight up with work.
more & more works has been up for me.
more jobs.
all are looking at me.
im currently helping Cath, for the flow in IS.
i dont know, but hmm.
need to help out as much as i can.
ive been tired but i know i haf to stay strong for the team.
been having flu lately.
been doing well lately.
all for my own good rite?
yeah.
feeling stress is normal, esp when im just a captain, holding on an ASM's responsibility.
yeah.
but i know, i wont disappoints Cath & i know i can do it!
i have to trust myself. like how i usually & normally tell/advice my staffs.
if they can, so do i.

yeah, currently, if i didnt talked much, it means that im handling alot of things on my mind.
sometimes i need time to eventually adjust myself to current situation.
& sometimes, i tends to emo. by myself.
just let myself be.
coz i need to adjust myself with the shits that i went thru.
this shits doesnt refers to WORK. its personal.
IF i wanna say it out, i will.
but sometimes, i tends to just silence off.
maybe thats a gd way for me?
like Cath always says 'impymuli is a silent killer.'
i doubt so?
*confused*
*looking arnd for Cath, smiling*

work was fine once again.
staffs-wise.
hmm, let me think abt it.
sometimes, its hard to feel them, in their shoes.
but sometimes, its hard for them to feel us, if they are in our shoes.
sometimes, we haf our own difficulties.

but one thing that is for sure, the bar.
things starts to slack inside bar.
eventhough i didnt say nothing much, doesnt mean everything starts to slack down.
some are doing it, & some arent doing it & some doesnt even bother to do it.
i was just sad.
to see the bar like that.
one starts to deteriorate, one starts to improve, one starts to show passion, one starts to prove to others their capabilities & one starts to be stuck inside, sinking.
alot of things need to be handle.
dont be surprised, IF one day, ill just take out the BAR AUDIT FORM to audit u, baristas.
im done with one, & ive yet another 3.
Nav wont be counted for this month.
ive got eyes, ive got senses & ive got feelings.
i observed the bar differently.
like i said before.
im different.
with the long msg, its really irritating to send that one long msg.
it shows that im really angry.
wat i need from OUR bar itself is.
1- HOUSEKEEPING.
2- EXPIRY DATE.
3- FRUITS.
4- COMMUNICATION.
5- INITIATIVE.

Why is it impt for ALL d 5 pts?
1- Housekeeping: daily basis, esp d chart itself. if u guys didnt manage to do that housekeeping for that particular day, AT LEAST do the housekeeping for the next day one, to ease d burden of the next day barista. AT LEAST a COMMUNICATION btwn baristas.
2 & 3- Expiry Date & Fruits: it IS very impt, esp during bar auditing.
4- Communication: Without it, baristas wont be able to communicate with each other, esp NOT knowing wat is happening in d bar.
5- Initiative: take initiative in everything u guys do.

Pls baristas, it isnt much to do rite?
its all basic.
hope u guys undastand.
i need to maintain d bar standard for the auditing. =)

thanks guys, ur help is much appreciated.
Let's do it for IS, aite?

okay, ive talked so much.
maybe bcz it's on my mind for so long.

till then.
tc.

=) =(

2011-01-15T02:21:00.002+08:00

Alright!
Im back. With more updates.

Been tight up with works & works.
more & more works coming right up.
ive been under alot of pressure & stress lately.
yeah.
ive been stressed.
i think everyone knows abt it.
my mind has been thinking too much abt work until wateva aziz asked to do, i kept forgetting.
i dont know why.
haiz.
i dont want that to happen too.
i havent been talking too much lately.
ive been keeping most of the things to myself.
i could feel d pressure.
im taking the pressure slowly, as from now on.
wat im MOST afraid of is, Saturday & Sunday.
15th & 16th Jan.
thats a NIGHTMARE.
i dont know why.
im just afraid i wont be doing a gd job then.
but im sure, with the support from my team members, i know i can.
i haf to.
& i haf to control.
really.
i will.
dont worry.
more responsibility coming up.
but i know i can handle.
1st few is always like that.

like ppl always say, everything doesnt come easy.
we need to learn from there.
im trying to learn.
& i know that i can.

ill promise that d team is secured under my arms. =)

till then.
ill try to sleep.

wasnt d day

2011-01-09T21:24:00.002+08:00

Friday!
was a real bad day.
i didnt know that day i broke down.
i really broke down.
i couldnt take that pressure.
it WAS so sudden of me.
in fact, it was off my limit i guess.
i cried.
afta talking to amirul.
it was bad.
i couldnt tahan.

i just let it out.
i couldnt believe it.
coz it's off my limit, i was sad, i cried.
to make matters worst, i dont know whether can i handle the team or not, tgt with Cath.
i need to help her, to push the team tgt.
im just afraid, i will fail.
i was given another dateline.
to help with her right & left man.
new management coming.
& yes, im working under her.
it was sad.
working with alot of UNDER-PEOPLE.
the feelings aint great but i know, i gotta help Cath.
So that it will be easy for her soon.
& i dont need to worry so much later.

Cath! I will surely help u.
that day was just a bad day for me.
coz i wasnt prepared at all.
trust me.
it will be betta over d days.

& i gotta prepare.
i might be next.
sooner or later.

peace ppl!

let's make it happen

2011-01-07T00:21:00.002+08:00

Let us cherish every moments that we have for now.
i gotta do the best for the outlet.
the best of the best.
aint letting peeps down.

i gotta do it.
it's just sad.
but i dont know how to take it soon.
maybe soon or later.
but yet again.

the moments spend must be memorable.
yet, happy.

updates & more updates

2011-01-04T23:43:00.002+08:00

Beginning of the New Year.
Sorry that I didnt managed to update this dusty blog of mine.
Well. been it's okay. Dont wanna say.

well.
1st Jan.
It was so thoughtful of my team to give me TWO bday gifts.
it was packed nicely with big big boxes!!
too happy sia.
BUT it was such a disastrous to eventually start my new year.
BECAUSE i received a msg that really made my day worst.
i was damn effing sad & pissed off.
BUT i told myself that, i gotta hold it on.
coz it wont do myself any good if i were to get angry over it.
coz things happened. & i believe it will come back again.

2nd Jan.
Happy 22nd Bday Impy!
spent my bday uniquely this year.
played paintball!
over at bottle tree park!
it was damn nice.
really.
but b4 that.
i received quite a handful of gifts.
i was effing happy with the gifts that ive gotten.
everything was wat i always wanted.
from watch, to helmet, to jersey, to necklace, to slipper.
i couldnt say anything but im blessed with everything.
thank you to ALL of u who gave me prezzies & as well as the wishes!!

back to work.
was indeed quite disappointed.
but hmm.
too many things happened.
dont know how to handle it.
hmm, but ill need to solve it asap.

sometimes i do regrets with the decisions that i made.
but sometimes i felt that there shud be a better way for it.
sometimes i felt that if i said too much, unhappiness may occur!
dear GOD, pls help me.
get me out of this shits so that i wont face this thing as much.

pls, dont do this to me anymore.
sometimes, we have to be fair & square.

impy's to d rescue.

2010-12-20T11:37:00.003+08:00

Alright. Been off for the past 3days. Today is d last off afterall.
Maybe i rested well.
Maybe i dont. Idk.
Coz my mind always think of work.
which i know i shudnt be thinking & doing that.
Talked to LY, makes me realised that we did share the same point of view & thinking too.
I was happy that LY talked to me, tell me everything on wat she felt & such.
now i truly undastands whats gg on her mind.
so its true, that ppl who worked long in that particular outlet, tends to feel d differences.
i thot im d only one but nope. d 3 of us. Me, LY & HR.
thinking abt that, i was sad & yet felt that i didnt do much to safe everything.
but i know, once im back, ill settle it.
talked on their behalf.
& things wont changed.
everything will be d same.
ill come in when it's out of control.
most imptly, ive to settle everything 1st so that things wont be out of control.
one by one.
ive settled one, but i need to settle 2 more.
or shud i say, 3 more.
decision-making & problem-solving.
& LY, i know it wasnt easy.
but rest assured, everything will be fine back.
all u need is patience, & things will go on ur way.
but no matter wat, im still here to listen & talk with.
coz i felt u once.
i was in ur shoes before, so i know.

& to d boutique, i hopw everything's & everybody's are doing well.
rest assured, organised plans will be there.
no more hiccups anymore.
ive got everything on my mind alr.

& to all of us, let's work hard.
dont care abt the unnecessary things or crappy2 things. coz thats not the main point.
let's work our ass out for d sales. =).
we can do it!
go go go!!
till then.
dont worry ppl, impy's to d rescue soon.

My own idioms

2010-12-17T10:58:00.003+08:00

Once bitten.

Twice shy.

Thrice deleted.

Forth get away.

Fifth 'do I know you?'

that's how I felt currently.
it suxs.
& im at the 'thrice' level.
both of it will be coming soon.
that's it.

Peace ppl.

updates ^.^

2010-12-13T20:38:00.002+08:00

Hello People!!

I'm BACK!! once again!!
hmm.
eyes & d allergy thingy has recovered!
happy to the max!
woohoo..
came back to work, checked, updates & more.
alot of things yaw!
catching up a few things, make changes with the agreements.
i felt lost suddenly.
coz i no longer hold the bar.
but i still make d decision though, but i need to go thru with my asst bar trainer 1st.
yeah.
a change is betta.
coz who knows, i might just be gone out from IS immediately.
i dont know.
the days are quite near.
i must enjoy every moments i haf in IS.
but who knows, i might still be a captain.
no changes.
things may change, anytime.
i might not be a gd trainer to anyone, but i know, i've done my best.
i've to let go of things that has been long-ed with me.
i cant possibly hold on to it for so long.
coz i know, ive done my very best for the bar.
so it's time for me to let it go.
i just dont want my asst bar trainer to go thru the same way like how i used to experience.
it's a bad experience though.
i need to get the shits done, alone.
just leaving it like that.
do u know how stressful it may seems?
without anyone's help.
now, u r pretty lucky coz theres alot of ppl helping u out.
assists u, & such.
dont worry, coz im still the bar trainer. but u haf more say than me.
hmm.
it's time for a change.
i need to voice out more than wat im doing now.

i think im improving. *being thick-skinned*.
on top of that, everything's cool.
& i hope everyone are happy with wat's happening at work & personal life.

take care peeps.
ill see u guys soon.
=).

& i dont want the same mistakes to be repeated again.
& i think i may go out from IS, anytime soon.

that WAS a nightmare!

2010-12-11T01:07:00.002+08:00

My eyes are getting betta & betta. unlike the 1st day.
WOW!! it WAS damn shitty. i hate to see my face in d mirror.
i looked like a monster.
i dont even recognise my ownself.
it was pretty bad.
i cried sia, while in the cab.
i thot thats d end of my life.
i really thot that way.
i thot im gonna die.
i called my mum, she didnt picked up.
i called my grandad, asking him to help me to give my family doc a call, so that i can rushed down there, straight away.
i took cab, asked aziz that i wanna go home straight away, coz my left eyes has been pretty bad swelling up.
i took my bag, there i go, waved a cab, took a cab, then off to my family doc.
while in d cab, i cried.
it was pretty irritating, on why it has to happen to me.
i seriously thot thats d end of my life.
but ive yet to do alot of things.
i haven even reached to d next level.
hmm. but when i reached my family doc, theres a shine of hope.
quickly, as soon as i stepped in, he quickly gave an emergency treatment for me.
it was pretty bad alr.
he gave me an injection of 2 diff kind of meds in it near the butt. so that it helps to reduce the swelling.
i showed him the med that d earlier doc gave me.
it's VOLTARON.
painkiller.
maybe d dosage is quite high, & my body couldnt take it.

& it happened, after 2hrs i prescribed the med.
my left eyes starts to itch.
suddenly, it nearly popped out.
i think i gave my team a scares that day.
really.
that med is really a killer man!
upon leaving the doc's room, i saw my mum.
& my mum nearly cried when she saw me.
there, she started to nag & nag.
i couldnt say anything also.
everyone in d family also couldnt even recognise me, until my lil niece dont even wanna talk to me.
how bad can i get?
after eating the med, there & off i go to bed.
i was treated like a patient.
every 2hrs haf to wake up & apply d eye drops, for fast recovery.
so far, im doing just fine.
thks for all the well-wishes guys!
i love u guys.
ill recover soon.
& ill be back in action to work on monday.

speedy recovery impy!!

more to come.

2010-12-06T12:10:00.003+08:00

I was so busy until i didnt haf time to even update wats been popping up in my life now.
either here or there.
nevertheless ill try my best to update.

maybe later at night, coz now i couldnt think.
with this effing flu bugging me on. yeah.

so, today is betta than yesterday but in fact, tomorrow will be even more betta than today. Live it happily & worthy always. =).

take care peeps.

WE dont deserve YOU.

2010-11-29T23:57:00.003+08:00

What for we need a higher authority when effing hell that someone doesnt even do her job.
LIKE FCUKED UP!
haiz.
it's SUPER saddening when this shits happens to ur own outlet.
tell me, we ARE having the same authority, BUT why must u JUST care for A particular outlet?
this is just so FCUK-ED IT!
really.
yes i know u guys got event, but then, our probs is MORE crucial than anything else.
like it's of no use of having an AOM when u never do any single shit for us.
really fcuked up.
angry to d max.
& YOU tell us wat we shud do when we cant even do anything, BUT to just wait for ur fcuking help, which came @ 5+pm.
this is so fcuked up!
really fcuked up!
really.
im angry.
OR shud i said, WE ARE ANGRY.
never in my life im feeling this way.
like unfairness over us.
at most, a call is enuf.
even an AOM from a different outlet bother-ed abt us.
how abt urself, Ma'am?
u can just ditch us away from ur list, & put our outlet to a different AOM.
we dont need ur service.
u r just totally useless!!
really useless.
no point having u as our AOM when u dont even care abt us.
yes, we liked it when u dont come to our outlet that often.
BUT when we need u, OUR DEAREST AOM, to come & stop by, u SHUD do it!
not until we finished everything, then u make ur move here.
like total bulshit!
but u know wat, even without u, we can still managed by ourselves.
u can just fcuked it.
really.
im just pissed off with u.
wat a luck!

take care.

my team

2010-11-28T00:53:00.002+08:00

Alot of things had happened, recently.
some is being planned out, some isnt & some was just left hanging like that.

Things haf been betta always.
Worried, Angry, Pissed, Relieved, Happy, Sad & Disappointed.
mixed emotionals.
yurp.
that's all i can say.
neither one of it can make me smile nowadays.
yurp, i may be smiling, but then again, im not.
coz things are worrying me.

My team. My bar. My management. My month end.
everything comes in one shot.

but now, i do not haf to worry too much abt the bar, coz ive got someone else to cover a lil bit for me.
it may be stressful, coz u need to handle few things, since u had sch.
but trust me, everything's will be all well, coz u still haf me.
i dont like to stress ppl.
but sometimes, u shud know ar.

bar.
im relieved that everything's settled!
like at last.
that thing doesnt worry me anymore.
really.
but i just hope, they learnt their lesson & be a good barista that will shine-d in IS.
i just hope, theres more communications in bar.
thats my main point.
coz i dont wanna get a 6-7pgs full of pixs from Bar Auditor.
i just wanna remain as it is, & to maintain the cleanliness of the bar.
im proud of my bar.
eventho we dont haf a washer & not enuf staffs for the weekday, but we managed to maintaint the cleanliness.
im just happy with wat my team did.
unlike other outlets.
eventhou they dont haf enuf staffs BUT haf a washer, they didnt managed to maintain it.
how i wish ill be in that particular outlet, to give them a lesson on keeping the cleanliness of the bar.
i just cant stand it, whenever im being attached there. feels like doing something.
but wat for, coz it isn't MY bar or MY outlet.
who knows, one day.

okay, but to MY outlet.
Proud as it is, eventho our sales dropped, yes, it's disappointing coz d efforts failed but i know my team had done their utmost for our sales.
who knows, God's will, next month, we will do our best, coz the sales MIGHT be ours.
& i cant blame it on customers, coz Isetan is like a ghost town now.
cant blame or wat-so-eva.

my probs, yurp.
im meeting the dateline soon.
im gg to persevere it coz im trying to learn & experience it, for my next level.
who knows rite? *so the thick-skinned sia impy.*

no matter wat, IS team had done their best.
take good care of ur health team.
thank you.

NO MORE.

2010-11-22T09:19:00.003+08:00

That's IT!
thats d last help that im giving.
other than that, NO MORE of gg there.
& im serious.
think positively, they dont wanna tire me out.
but other than that, in d 1st place, u shudnt asked for help.
okay, it's very disappointing but all i can say is, NO MORE.
that's for sure aite.
wanted to blog abt this ystd, but then, i was too sick.
coming today, still d same.
hope's d best for tmr for me, amin!
take care peeps.

mixtures

2010-11-19T21:22:00.003+08:00

Okay.
Yes, i know.
ive not BEEN updating.
i know it!
hehe.
ive been bz with things.
yeah, alot of things.
hmm.

Now, im updating.
Since today im on PH, i did some shopping for d outlet.
a new MAKE-OVER for the bar area.
yeah.
ive been given d green light from Cath.
To transform everything.
from plain/colourful to ONLY ONE COLOUR!
yeah.
i think ill love d new look.
not now, coz ill be busy.
from tmr onwards, ill be busy.
with logcakes & such.
yeah, to keep updated abt logcakes.

on top of that, everything's shud be fine.
Yeah.
sometimes, it wasnt wat we want, we will get it.
not all we get it.
like the way i wanna make it works, it wont happen.
yurp.
coz it was all written.
written in my book of life.
i shud be blessed coz im still here.
yeah.

everything's under control. yeah.
BUT.
i WONT forget the 18th NOV 2010's incident.
My hand. My back. My hair. My mind.
Wow.
we opened the outlet @ 4pm sharp, when im at work @ 920am.
can u imagine?
shitty things happened.
damn shitty.
b4 i went to bank, dat shitty things aint that bad.
but after 1/2hr, i went back.
& got to know that my whole outlet was closed.
as i stepped inside the outlet, i was like OMG!
flooding.
whole outlet was full of water.
i dont know where to start & how to start.
sect B, WAS a disastrous.
i cleaned up d whole sect B.
thks to d peeps that im working with.
namely: Cath, Aziz & HuiRu.
yeah, they helped me.
& we helped each other.
with all d helps that we had, we managed to clean up d whole outlet, & our outlet are ready for operation.
it was such a disastrous.

& i woke up in d morning, with my hand & body aching.
hehe.
goodness gracious.
Yes, i know.

& it has happened. no point dwelling upon it.
& my hair's getting longer.
im loving it.
yeah.

& sometimes, it wasnt easy to do it.
especially. hmm.

take care.

it doesnt lead to that way

2010-11-15T00:55:00.002+08:00

It aint easy to do all the things, one shot.
let me tell u.
I've got alot of things to be done & settled.
Bar, Operation, Staffs, Trainees & Paperworks.

Bar.
Bar Auditor came by on sat.
I wasnt prepared.
not much of the things that he checked with.
but i guess it might be disappointing.
i must be prepared for that disappointing results.
& i think i am.
disappoinments?
everytime ive got disappoinments.
afta so long neva see the bar, on sat, i saw d bar.
hmm.

to d ladies, thanks for the hardwork.
i appreciate it so much.
i've just let my bar down.
i've just let my baristas down.
& i think i've just let everyone down.

it aint easy.
& im not trying to be emotional.
but i've been keeping it in my heart for so long.
& today, suddenly, i couldnt control my tears.
i told myself that i shouldnt be crying afta THAT incident.
but today, i broke that promise.
suddenly, i cried.
im just sad with the way it is.
i gotta delete that msgs from my hp, coz it brging me to heartache.
it's not as though im not being fair or not.
but from the way i looked at it, that's it.
i shouldnt said too much in d 1st place.
i regretted it.
there, it goes.
MISUNDERSTANDING once again.
ALL OVER AGAIN.
when it can be prevented.
there.
the results.

however, i gotta relax my mind now.
gotta recover from the hearbreaking moments.

shud i said.
double heart-breaking?

hmm. yeah.
take care peeps.

& ps: who am I to You?

H.O.L.D O.N

2010-11-13T06:50:00.001+08:00

I'm GONNA hold on.
YOU must hold on too.
Take care aight.
anitin im still around.

i will persevere.

take good care of ur health Peeps.

blessed

2010-11-10T10:51:00.002+08:00

Okay Okay.
My FB's shout-outs doesnt mean anything.
i mean, im not being emotional okay.
im just being, hmm, d true fact.
being truthfully.
i've said that before.

now, im getting sick.
i dont know why.
this flu has been bugging me for quite sometime.
it's getting irritating & frustrating.
this week will be a very pack-ed week for me.
ill be having a tight schedule.
Starting from today, ill be having back-to-back shifts.
im not complaining.
im just training myself, for the next level.
i must be prepared.
Yeah.

talking abt the shout-outs, d previous one b4 this, is all abt my life.
yeah, for those who knows my situation, yeap.
& i know i cant haf the best of 2 worlds.
either i take it or i leave it.
d current one, is abt personal's experience.
it's pretty irritating, when im just abt to forget & forgive a lil abt things has been happening.
BUT all i got was such a fcuking expressions & attitude that i wasnt supposed to see.
yurp.
thinking abt it.
i dont see the need for all that.
but wateva it is, the world is small.
wat goes arnd will comes arnd.
trust me.

& my life.
has been great.
so far.

thank you Allah for blessing me with great family members, cuzzies, relatives, colleagues, 11homies & friends. not to forget, my sparky89.
love u guys alot.
thank you.

i couldnt ask for more.
=)

Plannings

2010-11-07T23:03:00.002+08:00

*planning in progress*

ive got alot of plannings on my mind.
just need to jot it down in my notebook then off i show it to cath.
alot.
yeah.
but not that much lar. hehe.

soon.
u guys will know.

take care.
good nites.

*in progress*

back-d!

2010-11-06T16:07:00.002+08:00

Public!!
Hello!!

I know i have NOT been updating.
Coz ive been lazy.
Really.
hehe.
like alot of things need to be done.
yeah.
but now, im fine alr.
looking forward & brightside.

thinking abt work & life.

talking abt life.
All i can say is that im being blessed with things that been happening in my life.
sometimes when i think back, i realised all happens with a reason.
we cant avoid it.
coz it was written in my fate.
all i need was just some understanding, as to why this things has to happen.
i really dont wish it to be repeated again.
i know where i stands.
i know how its gonna work out.
but sometimes, IF it were to happen, will u guys still talk to me?
that's d only worry that i had on mind.
coz with the looks & situation that im facing now, it's gonna be a gd thing.
but i know, ppl dont wanna let me get hurt, they r just concern.
i know it.
but hmm.
it's okay.
like i said, time will tell & ill just let it flow. =)

moving on.
Work.
Has been cool.
been busy with paperworks at d end of d mth, ALWAYS.
staffs wise, shudnt be a prob.
can be settled. & everyone's cool.
hmm.
bar wise.
more more more to come.
how long can it lasts?
hmm.
just hoping all d baristas will improved more. really.
thats all i can hoped for.
but hmm.
just wait for the time. yeah.

aite, ive talked alot.
see u later.

backy

2010-11-01T10:26:00.002+08:00

i know ive not been updating here & there.
i know.
just that, when i wanna update something, i realised i shudnt posted something here.
ill just keep that straight in my mind.

ALOT of things has been happening.
& i dont even know where to start.
& i dont even know how to start.
it's pretty irritating to think & realised it this way.
really am.
very stupid of me.

when i say ALOT, meaning it's REALLY alot.
haiz.
just wait for the right time & ill see wat i can do.
to think abt it, let it flow.

wait till one day, i burst to anger.
& I WILL.
trust me.
& one day, ill be back tgt.
thats d feeling that i haf for now.

& god damn! my feelings is super strong.

W.H.Y?

2010-10-30T00:06:00.002+08:00

WHY must this things happen when i finally washed my hands off?
WHY?
Now, i gotta get into that again.
Haf to react fast, before things gets worse.
hmm.
will do it.
take care peeps.

& im fine.
dont worry.
& Cath, STOP smiling to me k.

changes

2010-10-28T07:34:00.002+08:00

Yes.
things changed without a real leader.
we sometimes forgotten wat we shud do with or without leader.
yeah.
i undastand the feeling.
ive been there too.
lost.
changes.
im trying my best.
to gain it back for the team.
dont be despair.
i hope everything wont be falling off/down.

things changed.
time changed.
& people changed too.

we HAF to adapt no matter wat.

Once Ive spit, I wont lick back. =)

2010-10-26T10:57:00.003+08:00

it's coming back again.
He's coming back again.
shud i be happy or shud i be sad?
coz i dont wanna get hurt anymore.
but the truth is.

yes, we r indeed JUST friends.
NOT MORE THAN THAT.
dont u guys worry.
once ive spit, i wont lick back.
trust me.

coz ive got everything well-planned.
:)
now, its d matter of time.

just let it flow.

& if u guys wanna know wats been happening in my life.
ive been fine.
ive been happy.
ive been blessed.
same shits happening but neither i felt hurt or angry.
im just letting it flow.
see which direction it will lead to.

dont worry guys.
it wont happened again.
trust me.
take care peeps.

if theres a chance, ill tell u d story.

& LY. thks.
u know my situation betta. :)
take care.

DONT YOU GUYS WORRY ABT ME & IT.

A lil updates, here & there.

2010-10-23T10:55:00.002+08:00

Yeah.
Im back.
i know afta such a long time i didnt update my blog.

talking abt it.
many things had happened during d past few days.
hmm.
abt my life, frens, work life & family.
indeed.
ill break it down with d topics.

LIFE.
my life has been G.O.O.D.
ALHAMDULILLAH.
been good. everything's been good.
yeah.
im happy.
like everything's fine.
& ppl are afraid that ill look back. turn back.
BUT no worries. i WONT turn back.
i wont.
thats for sure aite.
guys, dont worry.
ive got everything well-planned.
yurp.
in fact, i made a choice of gg back to my MSN's & FB's world.
yeah.
im just happy.
thats why.
no worries.
there wont be a turning back for me.

FRENS.
nothing much.
frens come & go.
& im happy that my frens are there for me, each day, supporting me.
from day to night.
esp my babylove & colleagues.
they made me smile each day.
frens. one of MY 'fren' thought that we r cool once again.
but to me, we r just plainly colleagues.
NOT MORE, NOT LESS.
yeah.
in fact, dont read & think too much aite.
i appreciate all d kindness & supports that my fren had given me.
*smile*

WORK.
work's been good i guess.
with Ivan's being transferred.
Cath's taking over IS as an HOB.
Aziz's being d 2nd-in-charge.
Me being d Captain of IS stills.
not much changes.
but i assume there will be more changes coming rite up.
on top of that, im being professional now.
really.
work is work.
personal is personal.
fren is fren.
no worries.
hes just a colleague.
yeah.

FAMILY.
they have been my backbone since my downfall.
they made me smile.
they made me laugh.
they made me rise up.
they made me stood up again.
im happy.
im really happy.
thks family, for all the things that u haf done for me.
i appreciate that so much.
i know, u care for me.
i wont make u guys worry no more.

indeed, ill get back again with new topics soon.
perhaps tonight?
hehe.
aite, cool shit.
take care peeps.
see u arnd.

NEARLY THERE

2010-10-20T22:07:00.001+08:00

I AM NEARLY TO HEALING!!

i really AM!!

oh gosh!! How i miss d time of logging into my acct's & comment everything that my cuzzies had?

yeah.

during the healing process, yeah.

it hurts.

i need ALOT of courages & determination for the process.

i ADMIT.

the 1st few days, it was hard.

effing hard that i myself cant face d world.

i just stayed in my own room, doing my own thing.

without fb & msn.

i survived!!

Blog wis my BESTFREN from that day till this moment.

really.

i thot i couldnt..

but i managed!

during this period.

my CUZZIES, my mother, my COLLEAGUES, my frens, & my BABYLOVE had been very supportive towards me.

they cared, show concern & telling me not to take too long to heal myself.

they knew it's hurts so much but THEY NEVER failed to make me smile. =)

thanks to ALL who are there by my side. i appreciate everything u guys did for me.

i really did.

it opened up my heart.

now, my heart is more calm & my mind is more at ease.

i dont bother abt that effing incident anymore.

but if i were to see that face again, it might come back?

i dont know.

let GOD handle.

& i thanked GOD for blessing me, & making me stronger.

it wasnt easy.

it really wasnt.

HE made me strong, made me determined, made me realised.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

& soon, ill be back in fb & msn.

i will.

trust me.

& im prepared to see & read d worst in fb's world once again.

& im also prepared to ans ALL d qns prompts out soon, in either MSN or FB.

im prepared for everything.

& thks to you, im much more stronger.

& i can stand on my own feet!!! without u.

i really can.

& thks everyone!

really. from the bottom of my heart.

nearly 2 weeks, shud be enuf.

=).

take care guys.

S.O.O.N

i dont want this way too

2010-10-18T22:49:00.002+08:00

i dont intend to take too long to heal.
i really dont want.
but sometimes, i just cant say anything.
when im nearly healing, things popped up again.
it's like NEVER ending.
but i must still be determined & stay strong for it.
i really haf to.
i wont take dat long initially, planning to log in to my fb's & msn's officially this coming tues or weds.
BUT, THINGS HAPPENED.
& it changed my plan.
so let's wait again.
it's a gd feeling though.
i love it.

but it sucks.
dont come back to me, saying that again.
esp d apologies.
COZ i DONT NEED IT!!
AT ALL.

take care.
gd nite.

learnt

2010-10-16T00:08:00.002+08:00

" Don't come running to me when that girl puts a hole thru your heart, bcz Ill walk away & leave you stranded. Just like you left me when I needed you the most. "

& Ive learnt my lesson.
i wont take back d words that i've said.
firm & determined!
yeah!! thats d spirit!
i will have!!

stronger than before.

pulling myself up again

2010-10-13T12:01:00.002+08:00

Ill be back soon.
from FB & MSN.
i just need the time off from everything.
to get myself up again.
to make me feel better again.
to get my heart healed again.
to get d old impy back again.
it's gonna take quite a while.
but for the meantime, any updates of life, will be thru bloggie or better still txt me on my hp.
ill be just away.
i just need time of myself.
to pull myself up again.
im falling.
but slowly, im getting up.
standing on my two feets again.
soon.
trust me.
ill be back, d old impy again.
d smile & cheerful impy.

(& it wont be d same once again. trust me. & ill say goodbye 1st coz it's too late alr. ill say it now, & i never regret once. i really never. Now, im FIRM with d decision that i had!! Yeah!)

thks ppl for d support. indeed, this period is hard, but with d supports, ill be strong as eva.
i will.

take care lovely peeps.
be back.
love u guys.

be back like again.

2010-10-12T01:24:00.003+08:00

THIS DOWNFALL IS D HARDEST ONE THAT I EVA FACED.
IT BRGS A GREAT IMPACT ON ME.
I GOTTA SAY THIS THAT IVE GIVEN UP.
IVE PUT A FULL-STOP TO IT.
I DID.
JUST TO LET U GUYS KNOW, U GUYS NEED TO MAKE ME SMILE AGAIN.
& i will.
smile one more time.
& that smile will be forever.
i dont wanna shed my tears anymore.
it has happened. & its over.

more things are coming on my mind now.
this downfall, will take quite a couple of days.
it's really hurts.
too much that i cant say so much.
wateva it is, i will stay strong.
as always.

& let me tell u something.
its not gonna be d same.

Twice. Gave up!

2010-10-07T22:56:00.002+08:00

Im like on a downfall again.
I still havent recovered.
physically & mentally.
T.W.I.C.E.
this time is for sure, that I'M GIVING UP!!
really giving up.
i dont care anymore.

take care people.

changes soon?

2010-10-04T20:34:00.002+08:00

D setbacks. D downfalls. D everything.
I promised that ill be back. Soon.
but i cant brg myself up as for now.
i just cant.
i dont know why.
my heart still hurts..
deep down, its really hurt.
it cant be explained or figure it out.
COZ sometimes, its just SUCKS.
sucks to d max.
like i told someone, ill presevere till Dec '10.
if not, ill haf to let go.
IF it meant to be yours, it will be.
IF not, there will be others, better one out there.

D downfalls, is super hard & irritating.
ALL of it.
i haf to balance everything up.
now, more responsibility.
i gotta manage it well.

& i will.
i will be back.
SOON.

to be myself once again.
take care peeps.

THAT kind of MAN

2010-09-30T10:52:00.003+08:00

"Every girl needs a man;

the kind that will treat you right as well as others,
the kind that has enough respect for himself, family & others,
the one that will change for you to be just with you.

The kind that searches for you with his heart,
the kind that can be trusted alone with a room full of many other beautiful ladies,
the kind that wont cheat on you coz he knows he's got all he wants & needs already,
the kind that's willing to be your friend & lover,
the kind that doesn't mind calling early in the morning to say good morning & late at night to say good night; maybe even sing you a good morning and tell you a good night story or talk to you until you fall asleep.

The kind that will do anything for you, even if it's just to buy your favourite kind of candy.

The kind that will defend & fight for you,
the kind that wont ditch you for his friends when you need him the most,
the kind that wont leave you lonely & wondering.

The kind that isn't afraid to smile to his friends every time you're around & tell them 'She's d one'.

The kind that appreciates you for the things you do for him, even if they're small gestures.

The kind that actually thanks you for the little love notes that you leave him,
the kind that is willing to wait for you when you're falling behind,
the kind that will actually open the door for you, take you out on dates once in a while & buy you flowers coz it's a Wednesday.

The kind that notices your hair when you just got it cut or done beautifully for him,
the kind that reminds you that he loves you & that he's happy with you in case you forgot.

The kind that kisses your forehead when you're down,
the kind that tells you to be strong & not to cry,
the kind that will go through thick & thin with, and for you,
the kind that just loves you for who you are.

That kind of man, that's the kind you keep. "

(im still having d downfall, but i stumbled to this post, nice & meaningful.
bless me everyone. =)) )

H.I.A.T.U.S

2010-09-24T23:18:00.002+08:00

im having a downfall for a moment.
ill be back soon.
ill be myself once again.
ill pull myself thru again.
i promise.
i juz need time to be myself again.
this downfall is hard, once again.
ill be back soon.
take care.
see u bloggers, soon. =)

backie with long post.

2010-09-20T12:11:00.002+08:00

Well.
A week passed.
just like that.
am still waiting for d other auditor to drop by, & audit us again.
yurp.
disappointing moments is not over yet.
it wont recover easily.
thinking that u see me like a fine fine gal, but deep inside, im not.
coz ive always been like that.
i dont like to make my frens/staffs suffer.
instead i like to suffer myself coz i know, they shudnt be in my shoes.
coz they only follow wat we wants.
in d end, results produced are efforts thru them.
yurp.
thats how i connect myself & them.
i dont push.
my staffs knows how i work.
thats why it made my job easier.
infront of our fcuking SM, we need to act as if we got alot of things to do.
But behind him, i told them.
we haf to know wat we r doing.
not to slack.
but indeed, seeing my staffs efforts, for this past weeks, im amazed.
im really amazed.
although some need to be pushed abit more, some dont need to, some took initiative, some knows wat to do & at d right time, but im juz amazed.
they r juz trying their best for the outlet.

but thks to d fcuking SM.
he's juz sucks to d max.
really.
IF hes not arnd in d outlet, will it be better? hehe.
it WILL.
he juz messed up everything.
when it's bz or not, he loved to being a messed up person.
i also dont know why.
it's not bz but u r walking fcuking fast & messed everything like d building is gonna collapsed.
anytime soon.

how to manage that outlet even if he's arnd.
like u know.
ppl without patience is ALWAYS like that.
why.
sometimes when i think back, no wonder that type of person's life is NOT being blessed.
sometimes, it's sad to see that kinda person.
like u know.
they wants their life to be good, but actually. it's d vice-versa.

hmm. work-wise.
ive not been talking abt bar recently, to all of my baristas.
but i know they r trying hard for everything they are doing.
i can see, i can sense.
& now, im outta bar.
focusing more on d floor.
thats my jobscope now.
bar still my homeground.
anyone trying to change the bar or disturb the bar flow, i aint be that shy gal to voice out.
really.
coz the bar is mine.
eventho my mind is so focused with floor, i know that i need to work out something for my bar as well.
i need to be a level up soon.
i dont wanna stay in d same ranking for so long.
i wanna move up.
thats when my capability comes up.

& i will survive! i CAN do it! Jyeah!!
sorry for the long post.

im doing fine alr.
not literally recovered, but im doing juz fine.
need more & more time.
take care peeps.

& knowing each other's progression is good.

back to normal soon

2010-09-16T23:44:00.002+08:00

Okay.
Disappointment moments is recovering.
Slowly. Slowly.
it took me quite a long time to recover from it, when in fact, i told myself that i just need ONE week to get it done with everything.
But, im wrong-ed!
i couldnt do it.
i rather be in my own world than talking/communicating with ppl.
thats just me.
when ive got ALOT of things on my mind, ill be like that.
that disappointments i faced in d past few weeks, really sadden-ed me alot.
alot of things came up, in one shot.
without a stop or pause.
continuous.
at that moment, i couldnt reach & handle alone.
i prefer to be all alone.
thinking. stressing out myself. neva talked.
thats so me.

but today.
OUR hardwork pays off.
thks ladies. for everything.
we made it.
we must maintained it.
consistent okay.
& trust me.
everything's gonna be alright now.
no matter wat, thank you.

im trying to recover back.
i promise.
slowly.
& it takes time.

take care. good nite.

updates

2010-09-12T22:44:00.002+08:00

today.
it's juz not my day.
i dont know why.
when im getting ready to work, suddenly, i cried.
i dont know why.
im juz sad.
sad coz my family & cuzzies gg to raya visiting.
while me, fucking hell need to work.
like wth!
i know.
then, i rode to work.
i rode as fast as i can.
i came out from my house quite early.
before my family members went visiting.
i juz dont wanna see them go out, happily.
im like being left out.
& i juz feel, it's fucking unfair.
& it's my occassion.
haiz.
wat can i say.
it has happened.
& to tell u d truth, while otw to work.
i rode my bike, then i cried.
cried like nobody's biz.
coz no one noticed as im wearing shades.
i dont know why.
but im juz sad.
reached work.
saw d fcuker's face.
spoils my mood.
serious shit.
im seriously not myself today.

& ystd's incident.
kept in my mind.
ill see how far u can go.
im juz waiting.
& seriously i had enuf.
im afraid ill juz leave it as it is.
which i dont want it to happen.
serious shit.

& my hari raya.
'GREAT'.
thats all.

take care.

B.A.C.K

2010-09-10T11:14:00.002+08:00

Okay.
Hari Raya today!
SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL MY FRENS, HOMIES, CUZZIES, FAMILIES & COLLEAGUES.
& EVERYONE IN D WHOLE WORLD.
enjoy this meaningful day with ur loved ones.

gg visiting later in d afternoon. as for now, rest for a while, b4 all my cuzzies come by.

well, ive not been updating.
yes, i know. coz im too busy.
so today, ill update a lil.
to make all of u happy. :)
well.
work wise.
ive been a bad person nowadays.
& theres new challenge coming rite up.
cathy cathy talked to me ystd.
yup.
2mths.
i will!
i will take up d challenge.
& i really will.

let it be a secret.
but im juz happy with the way i am now.
how i react at work.
as from now onwards, bar thingys gotta be harsh.
anytime now & then, AOM/OM coming by to 'visit' us.
audit us. & etc.
no need to be scared.
do wat ive asked to do.
confirm it wont go wrong.

lastly.
i got nothing else to say.
but to say.
A BIG THANK YOU TO MY LADIES BARISTAS.
FOR HELPING ME OUT.
from topping up, to d things i asked to do & to everything.
cheers ladies.
thks so much.

take care peeps.
miss u, miss him.
love u, love him.
take care.

he neva practised wat he preached

2010-09-03T23:04:00.002+08:00

Okay okay.
BAR training is done!
at last.
2 days, coming right up.
i hope we will get good results.
that result REALLY disappoints me.
BUT i cant say anything.
BECAUSE IT HAS HAPPENED.
no point dwelling the past coz it's a past alr.
its been haunting me now & then.
i dont know how am i supposed to face all.
but i hope ill get the support from my staffs.
coz it's being reflected on me.
hmm.
hope i wont tone-d down anymore.
neither i wanna be harsh.
let me be me.
let me handle it with the way i want.
i juz dont feel it right.
when can i be transferred out?
dear upper management, can i be transferred out?
i had enuf.
im tired.

& some ppl neva practiced wat they preached.
they promised u one thing, one month ago, end up, NEVA relay his promise to me.
wtf is all this shits.
then when he asked something from me, for my hari raya's leave, one mth + ago, he said, 'okay, impy. eve & 1st day of hari raya, u will be off.'
then now?
WTF is all this?
SHITTY!
& i only bloody hell working morning for the whole of next wk, then u make ALOT of noise?
wat sia.
then can u explain d 1mth & 1wk of closing?
fcuking hell.

im juz sorry ppl.
but ive been keeping it for too long.
i dont tell ppl.
only GOD & myself knows wat im feeling & facing now.
give me one week.
one week to adjust myself back.
to be d real impy back.
but im juz afraid.
im afraid.
ill take my bag & leave IS, without turning back.
but i dont wanna do that.
im serious.
im juz afraid.
that ill shout back, making fcuking attitude.
seriously.
coz im on d verge of doing that.
but im holding on.
jzu for u & the team.

take care guys.
gd nites.
one week.

fcuk it.

2010-08-31T23:52:00.002+08:00

Today.
i was proud of myself.
after so long i didnt use SOP, today, i did it.
i managed to make drinks with SOP on my hand.
i still remember every drinks.
eventhough sometimes there's carelessness.
yeah. Human Error rite?
hmm, on top of that.
i didnt sleep well ystd.
bcz of this big project.
ive made myself worried for nothing.
but im seriously worried.
i did my paperworks from 11+pm till 1+am.
from 1+am till 3am, i didnt sleep. couldnt get myself to sleep.
but but but.
i slept @ 315am, & woke up @ 430am.
wats wrong with me sia?
came to work, my mind was hay-wired.
i was kinda nervous.
who's NOT nervous.
a BIG shot from office sia.
wth.
i tried to calm myself down.
thks to him for d msg b4 i reached work.
he made my day.
my gloomy & nervous day.
:)
& i think i didnt disappoint anyone today i guess.
i tried to be more relax to her.
everything's fine.
yurp/
thks to him for making my day.
:)

on top of that.
u twist ur words sir.
wheres d promises that u made/said to me?
wheres ALL dat?
hmm.
from not asking me to do anymore closing shifts till giving me 2-off days for d upcoming occassion.
wth.
u twisted ur words BIG TIME.
i juz hate it.
& tell me.
when can i haf my social life back?
i missed it so much sia.
fcuk it!

take care.
gd nite.

can i stop for a lil while?

2010-08-29T20:22:00.003+08:00

Hello World!!
How r u guys been doing?

I've been doing Okay-Okay i guess.
cant describe more coz im tired of the life that im facing right now.
i dont know how i shall put up with it.
do i deserve this kind of treatment afta so long i sacrifice my timings & social life for u?
do i deserve all this?
i hate this kind of treatment.
really i hate.
but wat can i say?
i cant say much coz everything has happened.
the more i say, the more i cant turn-ed back the clock.
i was hoping for a change of schedule timing.
after so long, ive been working the same fucking shifts.
i thot it was over, like no more of d same shifts.
but i was fucking wrong.
super wrong that ill be working afternoon shifts once again.
so, wheres all d promises, MR SM?
goodness gracious.

haiz.
im effing tired with all this shits.
then i haf to face this.
tell me.
& why d hell, when u r juz right infront of me, u didnt even raised ur voice to ALL my trainees & staffs?
im gg to push d button.
im juz gonna do that.
coz i know, by doing that, i still haf my say inside bar.
dont need to control my bar.
dont need to do anything in my bar.
coz, everything's under control.
IF i eva knows that u r doing something inside my bar, that's it.
im gonna leave d bar.
let YOU handle d bar, all alone.
i wanna let u handle the bar.
how stressful & how easy d flow of d bar is.
let me analyse, whether can u handle or not.
actions speaks louder than words.
& i HATE u for that.
fcuking pissed.

wateva it is, i need my social life back.
ive been feeling tired, facing this shits.
when i can get back my social life back?
ive owed alot of ppl, alot of things, now.
damn it!

wateva it is.
i want my normal life back.

i love d way u lie.

2010-08-17T21:26:00.002+08:00

Ok ok.
ive not been updating today.
alrite.
gotta update abt the incident happened at work ystd.
it was purely my luck.
n i took d blame for everything eventho i know it WASNT my fault.
it happened on my hand.
& i know.
i know that thing will haf happened if it landed on another person's hand.
but im willing to sacrifice for the staffs.
& to bloodly summarise it, I DIDNT KNOCKED IT WITH ANYTHING.
really i didnt.
ask my witness.
EVEN IF I WERE TO KNOCK IT WITH ANYTHING, ill jolly well tell u d truth.
i wont hide.
coz i know, i wont go anywhere even if i lied.
d truth will be out soon.
but this is a 100% for sure that it wasnt my fault.
but the way the fcuker asked me, it's like as though, he wanted me to take d blame.
like i told him, im willing to take d blame & pay for everything.
but wat i get in d end.
bullshit from him.
like wtf.
talking different stories to other ppl.
pointing fingers to me.
wat sia?
ive got my own pride & own feelings ok.
i dont care wat others will say abt me.
but u, mr fcuker.
u r d HOB of d outlet.
but why?
why?
i juz dont want u to go arnd telling ppl.
telling ppl that actually it WAS my fucking fault.
u told me one thing, then u told another person another thing.
wth!
i found out juz now.
& i dont know whether r u trying to comfort me that day or r u trying to ask me to be d spacegoat.
fcuk it.
that person told me that im at fault.
so im lying to u?
so u lied too?
haiz.
only GOD knows wat happened on that day.

i dont know.
ill juz wait for d verdict.
even if i were to quarrel, i will.
trust me.
i will.
& im dragging my feet to work nowadays.
i dont know why, but i juz cudnt be bothered anymore.
dont take advantage of me now, coz i MAY not be d same impy like last time.
coz u taught me this way.

i dont know.
hope it wont be wat i expected.

good night.

can i or cant i?

2010-08-15T10:32:00.003+08:00

Ok ok.
suddenly, i had this thoughts.
i had this thots of moving out from IS.
i gotta brave up myself.
to tell d upper management abt the decision.
but im juz afraid.
im afraid of telling.
coz it needs alot of courage.

i wanna leave but at d same time, i dont want.
coz its all abt d team.
i cant afford to go bcz of my selfishness.
but come to think abt it, its been freaking long for me over at IS.

really long.
like 2.5 yrs?
like others, they go after their not even 1yr there.
but why cant i go?
why?
i wanna know d reason.
i wanna see how IS will be like once ive been transferred.
but i hope, the dream that i dreamt will come true.
i really hope.

thats my only hope now.
it will be better to leave IS asap.
i cant tahan anymore.
really.

thinking abt that.
i juz missed ppl who left IS for good.
be it quit or transfer.i wonder how their lives are now.
without Ivan's guidance & supervision.
i hope they r doing well.
really.

but on top of that, it's all good.
must respect d boss's decision & all.
till then.
take care.

how?

2010-08-12T23:17:00.002+08:00

& i dont think i can sleep tonight..
really. from d way things are right now, i cant get to sleep.

1stly, im excited!
coz im gg to be an aunty one more time.
coz my cuzzy is at labour ward now.
so anytime.
woohoo..
guess it's a baby boy.

2ndly, im sad, disappointed & angry.
on top of that.
im juz disappointed with the way u react.
seriously.
in fact, im tired & sleepy.
but when u told me that, i cant get to sleep.
WHY SIA?
why i haf to feel this way?
why my heart is feeling uneasy now?
tell me!!
tell me!!
dont do anything stupid man.
really.

ill give u time.
to think it thru.

& im super tired.
can i sleep well tonight?
i doubt so.
take care.

did i change?

2010-08-04T00:11:00.002+08:00

Ok oK.
how was it?
hmm.
currently.
mind is not straight up.
body is aching.
mood swings (maybe too many things on my mind).

& i think ppl thot ive changed.
but i dont know, if ppl haf that mindset of me.
sometimes i didnt want to be like that.
but haiz.
wat to do.
i gotta act like my rank & authority.

ok lar.
coz currently i juz had enuf on my mind.
one thing come by.
meaning, one by one.
serious shit.

wateva it is, like d msgs i gave, juz bear with it.

hmm.

2010-08-01T20:59:00.002+08:00

How do u feel when u haf to make a choice that it's freaking hard?
How do u feel when ur mind is hay-wired bcz u kept thinking abt this shit?
How do u feel when ppl asked ur opinion abt something but end up still go ahead with that fucking plan?
then in d 1st plan, theres no need for u to ask for my opinion.
until now, im still reluctant to teach.
until now, im still thinking whether or not that person will be a gd burden for us.
until now, im still thinking whether did i make d right choice?
in d 1st place, this is not wat i wanted.
i wanted something else, but end up, wat ive gotten myself with?
insists on that thing rite?
i hate it so much.
until now, i realise, our opinion is not necessary.
& god damn! wat for u need us when u can make ur own decision in d 1st place.

apart from it.
my mind, split into 2.
if i haf d choice, ill split myself into 2.
dont need to fight.
everything's fair & square.
no one eva felt this way.
where u haf to choose btwn 2 capable person.
teaching & learning is a different thing.
i admit.
if i make any mistake, other party will feel hurt.
but i gotta make a choice.
it's not hard to make a choice, but it's pretty irritating to understand a ppl's feeling.
how to take gd care of their feelings.
coz afterall, this is life.

i gotta accept no matter wat.

280710

2010-07-27T23:18:00.002+08:00

Credits to Muneera for this nice pix. i love this helmet too much, really i am. no matter how much last time i used to hate, indeed, this helmet are with me despite my ups & down. really. i truly love it.

d ladies outing. hehe. wat a cool day we had. with me being a delivery gal, & 'AOM' & cuzzy on that day. i truly feeling d happiness i had longed b4. isnt is good for us to take a pxs with our other halfs? which i think will be quite a long way to go. yup. indeed, i dont know wassup with ur mind when pixs are uploaded over @ fb. u told me how cool we r. i dont know wat r u trying to say. but perhaps, i will say that nothing can separates us. now u know who i went out with & etc.

apart from that, i know something is in ur mind when u actually give me that expression when i said im gg over to PP. why? this is juz bulshit. i dont know, maybe i think too much? but in d meantime, i know that wateva it is, u r still in my mind always. i aint lying. & dear ladies, we shud do this more often rite? being tgt as one, i felt better with u gals arnd me.

i love all.

Mixed Moments

2010-07-23T10:43:00.002+08:00

Suddenly ystd, i missed someone.
this aint a lie.
this is d truth.
looking thru all d places that we went thru tgt, despite the happiness & sadness & angriness, reminds me.
of the beautiful & hated places i would love to stay & go.
looking thru @ my workplace, reminds me how we used to work tgt.
getting scolded, joking arnd, sharing d happiness & sadness, d hatred & all.
i remember every moments that has been happening arnd & in my life.
good & bad moments.
i still remember vividly.
how good or bad it is.

d good one.
at 1st, when u came in as a SHM to our outlet, i dont like u.
u r like somebody i cant mix with. yurp.
bad guy.
but after few moments working tgt, from working opening till closing, same shift, we began to open up.
talked abt unnecessary things.
u shared ur experience as a full-timer till u r an shm.
yurp.
i still remember how u went thru.
hard life.
& i shud be thankful that im lucky coz wateva i went thru isnt as hard as u were.
we shared alot of things.
from songs to mp3 to experiences.
& i dont even know when did we become close?
i really got no idea.
yeah. that was d moment when we couldnt haf d answer.
ppl mistook us coz we r so close with each other, like how me & taha were.
but its okay, only we know wats gg on.
thats d mutual understanding.
hmm, apart from that.
i tried to be like u when u r in IS.
i tried. but i cant.
not completely wanna be like u. but a lil bit can?
hehe.
& i know i can! i must haf faith.
good moments.
theres alot.
whenever i walked past a place, esp that cd shop, i remembered something.
alot of things.
whenever i walked past d smoking area + traffic light + rubbish bin after work, i remembered something.
alot of things too.
whenever i do something @ work, i remembered something too.
i couldnt say it out coz now we r of different outlet.
a lot of good moments must be kept in my memories diary.

bad moments.
alot?
yeah.
not that alot like good moments but it stills intact in my memory.
how we quarelled, i showed emotions & alot more.
all. how childish i am. haiz.
but it was in d past.
another bad bad moments that brgs me to lack of sleep.
that fcuking experience.
u guys shud know if u haf been reading my blogger.
yeah.
that's d one.
yurp.
that was d most heartbreaking moments i haf faced.
until i dont care less abt my family & frens & colleagues.
i lived in my own world at that moment.
only certain ppl knows how i felt at that moment.
coz at that moment my mind was all abt;
'u chose to believe someone whom u barely know for less than a mth, but u chose not to believe someone whom u know for like more than 6mths.'
that was d moment.
i nearly quit.
i nearly ask for a transfer.
i nearly broke down each time i went to work.
i dragged my feet each day to work.
i hated ur face at that moment.
i hated both faces at that moment.
thats when i stopped everything.
at that moment, i was juz disappointed.

but afterall, that was in d past.
this is juz to reminisicing.
yup.
but now, we r cool.

this post is barely for my ASM, whos currently d HOB of WA.
hope u r doing good with ur team there aite.
bring more sales for WA.
make d OM proud of u.
afterall, u shud know who made u wat u r now.
apply wat haf been taught to u during IS time.
remember, nothing comes easy in life.
haf faith & believe in urself.
thats d word.

aite2.
take care yaw!
later then.
thks for everything. =)

2010-07-21T23:00:00.002+08:00

all along, i haf this feeling.
but im not sure wats that all abt.
hmm.
its okay.
juz wait for the time.

work?
Menu launched.
tired.
working closing all d way.
Bar wise.
but i got this feeling.
hmm.
nehmind.
dont need to say.
maybe until everything stabilised, ill say it out.
hmm.

life?
work?

life??
been good. tired.
but im happy.
everyday im happy eventho how angry, sad, frustrated, tired & pissed off i am, im still happy.
each day is different.
i dont know why.
somebody juz humoured me. yeah.
hmm.
not that much yaw.
hmm.

work?
been bz, tight up & held up.
yurp.
no time for myself also.
haha. wat to do.
sometimes off day feel so lazy to go out.
yes.
dont know why. but juz that, been lazy.
thats all.
on top of that, everything's fine.
hope to get gd news soon.

till then.
tc.
gd nite.

sceptical?

2010-07-18T01:10:00.002+08:00

i juz pray nothing changes.
& we still be happy like now.
i dont care abt whether that bitch look for u or vice-versa.
but i know.
i know ok.
im juz happy with d way we r.
take care of urself.
gd nite.
my life is perfect now.
better still, its getting better.
i can see d light shining.
soon.
not high hope but i know.
take care..

im happy the way we r now.
no strings attached.
but we know.
yurp.

Personal

2010-07-14T22:07:00.002+08:00

Why?
when ppl mistreat u, u tends to feel that something is not right.
i might be PARANOID.
i really am.
but i feel it.
why things tends to be this way?
i dont wanna d 2nd time to happen again.
it HAS happened before.
so i believe it wont happen again.
but u WONT know.
everything doesnt seems right somewhere.
ppl can lie.
ppl can say this & that.
but i feel it.
i know whether u r telling d truth or not.
yes, im contradicting.
im being paranoid.
but the things that scares/make me afraid of will happen again.
trust me.
maybe to d same person or not.
coz d way it seems to be, its different.
juz tell me so that i wont go high & low to help u out this shit.
yes, u may not tell me EVERY SINGLE shits.
i know.
coz my chemistry with u is really deep.
but no worries.
when i 1st make d decision to get closer back to u, doesnt mean that i haf feelings for u still.
dont misread my intention.
really.
i wanna help u out with ur lappy settings abt d microsoft things.
until i rush my fren for d cd, but end up.
couldnt manage to get it done.
haiz.
read my status & u guys know wat im talking abt.
hmm.
come to think abt it.
this things happened long ago.
BUT my mind has been bugging me.
i hate that kinda feeling.
really.
i dont know how many things has been happening behind my back, but then, hmm.
it's okay.
coz i know.
it will come back soon.
karma.
wat goes arnd comes arnd.

it's okay.
let me remind u one more time.
dont let this thing to happen again, BECAUSE.
if it were to happen again, that's it.
ive made myself clear before & i hope u remember.
& i will.
that's it.
till then.

gd nite.

mixture

2010-07-13T22:22:00.003+08:00

i know ive not been updating my blog.
actually, i did ystd. but then. like normally, i slept.
haha. not new to u guys rite?
alright.
ive been pretty held up with work & work.
& my previous lappy really disappoints me.
cannot be save anymore.
haiz.
there, & hence, ive got a new lappy.
nice nice one.
hahaha.
brand? i dont think i need to say & spell it out rite?
okay okay. enuf said.

hmm.
work?
it was tiring.
i felt that theres more & more things coming right up.
now, i felt it.
i really felt it.
sometimes how i wish i can juz shout at my managements & tell them wat to do.
sometimes how i wish i can juz shout at my staffs to disperse themselve.
how i wish i could.
but i cant.
im juz a captain there.
the rank is lower than any of my management.
hmm.
i dont know.
sometimes i wonder.
did i change?
did i confuse anyone?
did i try to suck up d SM?
did i make anyone to hate me?
i dont want that to happen.
ALL of d above.
i REALLY REALLY dont want that to happen.
but sometimes, SHITS DO HAPPEN.
it happens all d time.
ive got alot of things been bugging my mind.
from work, to frens, to personal, to family & to EVERYTHING.
tell me.
when will this stop??
when i die is it?
or when im being transferred to other outlet?
oh well.
enuf abt work.
i hope u guys will undastand why im behaving like that.
i dont wanna make u guys feel that why impy is like that or wat-so-eva shit.
coz new menu is launching.
& im having a very very hard time with my bar.
plus my ALL paperworks.
& ive not had enuf rest.
im pretty worn-ed out.
so guys.
ill apologise for everything 1st.
maybe by august, everything will be fine & settled.

apart from that.
something really getting on my nerve.
when i really feel like bursting out.
when i really feel like slapping d face.
when i really feel like doing things that i haf not done yet.
its really getting out of my nerves.
i feel like doing something.
but since im freaking bz & held up with works, i forgo the plan 1st.
haiz.
sometimes, this isnt d life that u want.
it's juz d life that u didnt plan for it.
i didnt plan for that kinda life but then it came to my life.
after 21yrs of living, ive seen the bad & d good sides.
ive always sees d gd one but now, coming to d bad one.
& i know i can face it.
& i know im strong enuf to handle.

& ps. no more 2nd time.
we will juz stop.
& u know d consequences.

gd nite ppl.

CAPTAIN IMPY

2010-07-07T00:02:00.002+08:00

Alright, 2nd week.
everything's fine.
so far so good.
hehe.
oops, i know ive not been updating my blog now coz my lappy is gg for a servicing.
wth!!
hope the person cud repair my lappy coz it's a precious precious one for me. !!
ok ok.
work was fine despite that i need to move on a lil bit faster.
job tasks is getting heavier & heavier.
but then, it wasnt as bad as wat i expected coz.
i did that b4 so i shudnt grumble rite?
ok ok.

1st July 2010.
i'm sharing good good news to u guys.
i was stunned at that particular moment.
everything seems fine to me. at THAT moment.
not until My AOM or shud i called him OM came to d outlet.
looking at me with one kind of expression.
hmm, when he saw me, he kept smiling.
until one moment, he called me up & wanted to shake hand with me.
thats when i realised.
I WAS BEING PROMOTED AS A CAPTAIN wef from 1ST JULY 2010.
im juz like 8mths minus off 3mth probation = 5mths as a J/CAPT.
i was shocked.
& im happy not bcz im a captain but then, im happy cz Steve shook hand with me.
im super super happy.
it was his 1st time he shook hand with me.
d time when i was a j/capt, he didnt even say anything to me.
in fact, Rudy shook hand with me on his behalf.
& now, me being a captain, is another way round.
yup.
if u get wat i mean.
indeed, being a captain, means that more responbility is coming right up.
but then, i dont feel it.
maybe bcz when im a j/capt, i did alot of things.
d things that a captain shud be doing.
ive learnt alot, now i really need to apply in practical.
i hope i can really be a good captain to all my team.
they my savoiurs.
they made me who i am today.
i appreciate that alot, big time.
& yurp.
it shocked me big time that im a captain of IS.
i managed to achieve it!!
next level up.
i wanna go as fast as i can, but i cant be greedy.
afterall, im happy with wat i am today.
thanks for d support my team had given me.
i really love u guys alot.
show me more guidance & i promise, that ill be better.
let me be d captain that will not let her ppl sink into d sea.
let me be d one that sink & u guys flowt.
i promise.
u guys wont sink.
ill be there.
till then.
im happy that im a captain!
cheers.

on top of that, ill be on hiatus again.
lol.
take care.

few more hours

2010-06-26T22:21:00.002+08:00

Ok Ok Ok.
i guess this is life.
once again, i haf to accept & adjust one more time.
which then i know that life is not fair.
but i think this is life.
& i think it's better off this way.
& i shud be happy for u.
coz this is better.
yeah.
eventho emotionally for d 2nd time i haf to face it, but i know this time round, i will be more cool than before coz i shud be happy for u.
u made it this far, & such & u need not think of that fcuking bitch anymore.
hmm.
it's okay.
ill be doing fine.
u'll be doing fine.
& we will be doing fine.
till then.

d last few hours.
& we will bid goodbye.
no more working tgt.
no more laughter.
no more jokes.
no more d randoms thingy.
no more surprises.
& NO MORE of EVERYTHING.
best of luck.
take care.
=(

(it's hard one more time, but we got no choice.)

2010-06-26T08:30:00.001+08:00

will update tonight.
on leave today. for juz one day only.
i know it's like wth. haha.
hmm, till then.

i haf to accept.
im trying to.

peace.

NO. NO. NO. WAY!!

2010-06-25T02:22:00.001+08:00

I dont want.
i really dont want.
i dont wanna face it.
let's juz say.
it's ALL for good.

nights people.

& happy 25th bday to AZIZ MONSTAR. yeah.
gd luck in ur endeavour.

& im not prepared. =(

afraid

2010-06-24T10:41:00.002+08:00

Im juz afraid that d past will be coming back.
i mean not the past experience that u chose to believe that fcuking bitch instead of me.
im juz afraid the feelings might juz developed once again.
i dont wish it to happen.
coz i told myself that it wont happen again.
coz we r not more or less than a colleague/fren.
coz i dont want to get myself into trouble & hurt mode again.
enuf is enuf.
i suffered alot in d past.
now we r okay.
i juz hope that we stay this way.
coz i dont wanna get involve again.
juz let it flow naturally.
past experience is enuf to show everything.
i dont want the same thing to repeat once again.
but now, we r cool.
we r back to normal.
but i dont wanna develop feelings for him anymore.
i tried to control.
i think infact, we tried to control but then.
i cant. or shud i say. we cant.
how sia.
unless we find someone new, we can.
if not, it's difficult lar sia.
haiz.
im juz afraid of that.
coz everynight, we seems back to normal.
talked on d phone, random msgs, wakie-wakie calls & etc.
thats why.
im afraid.
tell me that the past experience wont happen again.
tell me that i wont develop anymore feelings for him.
tell me that we r juz frens/colleagues.
not more/not less.
tell me.
or shud i say.
tell us.

to that fcuking bitch.
like i said & told u.
i've won d race.
u lost.
no matter wat methods u used, indeed u haf lost.
state d fact.
im not being proud.
BUT u forced me to act proud.
& im happy coz i acted d minah way to u.

but let me tell u this.
wat's past is past.
i dont want to dwell abt it coz i know.
i know who's he thinking at this moment in his mind.
yeah.

no matter wat, it HAS happened.
no point.
to d boifren.
hehe.
we will talk again ok.
we talked half-way ystd.
take good care of urself aite.
till then.

gtg now.
tmr starts work!!
haha.

2010-06-22T23:06:00.002+08:00

Ok Ok Ok.
offy, AL, AL, work & AL.
hahaha
wat a weird schedule.
yes i know.
hehe.
but it's okay.
at least i got a rest days.
hahaha.
hmm, nothing much to update.
but all im asking for is juz that.
hmm...........
hehehehhe.
nothing.
giving u guys a suspense.
hahahaha.
nothing much.
& i guess u r fast asleep.
& i think i lied u a lil.
hahaah.
but who cares rite?
coz we aint nobody now.
u get wat im trying to say.
yeah man.
& my childhood fren msged me.
YAHOO!!!
heheehhe.
like at last he replied my msg.
now he's in camp. =(
reservist.
haiz.
next week will be his turn.
=(.
saddened.
haiz.
i think i will be doing alright next week.
emotionally i guess.
but physically shud be fine i guess.
hahaahha..

hmm.
apart from it.
i dont know what else i shud say.
hehe.
nehmind.

will be back for more.
nights.

2010-06-22T11:27:00.000+08:00

will update tonight!
finally. 3days.
woohoo...

disappointed & hated

2010-06-16T00:11:00.002+08:00

OK OK.
today, i started my day good.
until i received a msg.
telling me that i haf to work on d day i requested for off.
i really need to be down for that day.
bcz of certain things, i haf to forgo the plan.
i kena fcuked upside down from my aunty, due to this thingy.
i didnt blame u. i really think it's not ur fault btw.
wat can be done?

now i finaly undastand the meaning of working life.
only YOU, URSELF can help ourself.
NOT OTHERS.
we cant rely on others.
now i finally undastand d meaning.
thks to THEM for making me undastand.
haiz.
i dont know lar.
i began to hate.
hating all.
yup.
but no matter wat.
work is work.
personal is personal.

(ps: it's not abt him)

& i hope everyone wont think that me & him r tgt or wat-eva-shit.
to me, both of us got no feelings at all.
we r not more or not less than a fren/colleague.
& i hope everyone wont think that me & him r having feelings again.
nope. dont get us wrong.
& i hope everyone wont get angry/sad/disappointed/ or wateva-shit to us.

& lastly, impy!
remind urself.
this is FNB line.
take it or leave it.
ive been giving in.
now it's d time.

gdnite.

over & over a.g.a.i.n

2010-06-14T19:23:00.002+08:00

Last update. 11th June 2010.
Today. 14th June 2010.
ok ok.
3days rite?
anything can happened within this 3days.
yurp.
yeah, but things has been good at my side.
really good.
reading back all my posts over at all of my blog, i realised something.
like wateva i said, it did come true.
i dont know how does it happened.
but all i know is, it juz happened too fast.
i myself dont even know why & how.
but fcuk shit, wateva happened is all in d past.
i dont know wat else to say.
juz let it be for a moment.

to me, everything's back to normal.
but no worries, i will still take gd care of myself.
dont worry.
apart from that.
today, off day.
im such a gd gal today.
hahahahah..
stayed home. all day.
can u imagine?
hahaha.
coolness.
i know. haha.
rarely see impy's at home d whole day during off day.
ive charged myself.
not full but still 75%. haha.

aite aite.
gotta go now.
im waiting for ur call.
but its ok.
if u didnt call, i dont mind aite.
till then, tc ppl.
will update soon.

combination

2010-06-11T22:50:00.002+08:00

I dont undastand the current situation that im facing now.
its freaking hard when u think & tried to undastand.
Wanted to make everyone happy but on top of that, doesnt want to hurt anyone.
i dont know.
i dont take sides.
all r equal to me.
i scold, i show face, i shout & i blend in.
but sometimes is it too much that we r asking for?
haiz.

yurp. recently at work, everybody is so tensed & stressed up with d piles of work.
& yes, maybe u guys think we shudnt be like that.
hmm, yes.
things are done, but i think can be more better.
i dont know how to explain.
but i juz hope everyone is happy with everything.

ok ok.
enuf abt that.
on top of that.
hmm, i still dont get it.
why must that fcuking bitch be like that.??
i know she isnt my forte, my type of 'frens'.
but i juz hate to see her face.
when can she be transferred out???
hahahaha.
siak jek impy!
everything's back to normal.
Alhamdulillah.
i thanked GOD for everything he HAD done to me.
i felt happy for it.
i didnt do much, he juz came back like that.
but dont u guys think of anything else.
he's juz a fren/close fren/colleague.
not more not less.
coz we told each other that it's better to stay this way!!
yeah. we did.
no worries.
i wont get hurt anymore coz i feel nothing for him.

ok ok.
nothing much to say.
i juz hope everybody understands & understood.
till then.
take care.

confusing

2010-06-09T10:38:00.002+08:00

I dont know whom i shud trust & believe now.
coz i myself still stucks in d middle again.
i told myself not too be taken with wateva shit ppl talking.
this problem has been bugging me from time to time.
eventho we r close once again, but then, i told myself.
to give time. time to get close back once again.
i dont wish to do like that coz i believe in KARMA.
both sides of stories shows alot of things.
it is either i believe him or them.
thats d thing that make me puzzled & confused.
on top of that, i dont wanna tell u guys d stories.
this is to respect ppl's life.
i really wanted to tell u guys d other part of stories, but i cant.
that why i chose to listen rather than believe.
now, im doing good.
no worries.
d feelings of a 'LOVER' is gone.
LONG GONE.
we r juz colleagues.
not more not less.
yeah.
thats d promise.
& wateva u promise to me, stick to that.
coz i told u, if u lie to me one more time, u will get it.
really.
hmm, on top of that, everything's cool now.
let's watch, wait & see.

GO WITH THE FLOW.
trust me.
i trust EVERYBODY but NOT THAT FUCKING BITCH.
in my eyes, she's still a bitch.
take care ppl.

really new day

2010-06-03T11:15:00.002+08:00

okay.
today will be a REALLY new day.
i dont care abt d msgs that u sent to me.
ive told u wat i want.
from all d msgs.
the air isnt clear yet.
u dont wanna this to happen.
but yet, u dont wanna think why this is happening.
haiz.
& today, ill get my own possession back.
coolness.
aite, tc.
gg to get ready to work now.
peace

actions not balanced with words

2010-06-02T21:05:00.002+08:00

I know i didnt update.
haha.
2nd June. my OFFY.
yeah. i requested this day to be MY off day.
Because. i need to settle my bike's stuffs.
yeah.
everything settled!
alhamdulillah.

yeah. apart from that.
went out.
to Funan.
to get d prezzie.
yeah, everything settled!
settled down @ Manhatthan fish market.
had fish & chip.
kiwak! Kecoh siak!
haha.
too full sia.
haiz.
wat a hearty meal juz now.

yeah, sat down.
thinking, talking, expressing my thots & looking @ d pix @ a different view.
i was like being a fool one MORE time!
thanks.
i think & think abt d current problem.
& i made up my mind.
to take back EVERYTHING in ur hand now.
from my MP3 to USB Cable to Earpiece.
coz i dont see d need of YOU to haf my MP3 in ur hand ANYMORE.
ystd was a different story.
few moments later, it's ANOTHER different story.
i dont know who's telling d truth & lies.
i HAD enuf sia!
really to d max!
i cant take it anymore.
thats why i came to that decision to take back everything.
& ill put d MP3 aside.
i wont be using it for a moment coz it gives me BAD memory.
I DONT WANT!
i wanna buy a new MP3.
Ipod Nano.
maybe next mth or another month.
i was disappointed.
happily talking. blood clot. torn lips.
WHAT THE FUCK is ALL THIS SHIT!!
fcuked!!
trap. one more time.
i dont know.
i really dont know.
on top of that, let me tell u.
to the FUCKING bitch's scandal/boyfren; time & time again. u lied.
i dont wanna know d truth coz u showed me everything.
to the FUCKING bitch; this is d time. Let my MINAH side shows to u.
dont u think im not capable of doing nothing.
i can. & i will.
one fine day.

u came back crawling in my life, but it was juz for that one moment.
NOW?
haha.
wat i want u to do is to juz sit one corner with her, dont tell me ANYTHING.
when i say ANYTHING, means NOTHING.!!
clear?
understand? understood?

hope so.
now, everything is bullshit.
no matter wat, thks guys for d support.
love u guys always.

(impy)

disappointments again.

2010-05-31T08:48:00.003+08:00

Hectic week, Disappointments week & tiring week.
everything in ONE shot.
i was so pissed off.
so tell me.
whos hurting who now?
u told me that u dont wanna hurt any party BUT end up?
so tell me.
u HURT me more than that fucking bitch.
& who suffered more?
its damn fcuking me sia!
nbcb.
& u dare to say that u didnt do anything wrong towards me?
FINE.
if thats d way u think & feel, i cant say much coz IT'S NOT UR FAULT RITE?
im juz disappointed with the way u r now.
really disappointed.
can u juz fcuking think out of d box?
ppl whom u r close with, did this to u, like fcuking giving u a VERY VERY cold shoulder.
& u DARE to say u did NOTHING wrong?
ok ok ok.
i got wat u mean.
so thats mean im d one @ fault?
FINE!!
but i aint gonna say anything else now.
im gonna shut my mouth out.
& d outing for d 1st June is still ON but im not gg.
i dont see d need to go.
jyeah.
its ok guys.
u dont need to know.
hmm, apart from it.
thks for letting me to wait upon u d day b4 ystd.
AT LEAST A GOD DAMN MSG will do.
fcuk!
hmm, its okay.
it HAS happened rite?
& to that fucking bitch.
u got wat u want.
so that face, can just stop it.
i dont wanna see that face.
& to that fucking bitch's (maybe) BOYFRIEND.
this is how u treat me?
i will give u d same treatment, BUT u will go thru more of it.
in times to come.
more until u dont know why d prob come back to u.
trust me.
this is juz YOUR retribution.

i will juz watch, laugh & see.
on that very moment.
coz i think, its over.
fuck!

tired. headache

2010-05-27T22:46:00.002+08:00

Tiring Week.

alot of things to be done.

my head is gonna burst.

slowly & slowly.

ive got alot of things on my mind.

thats explains why i didnt clean my bar ystd.

its not purposely. but its juz that.

ive too many things to do.

haiz.

but it has happened.

d more i explain, d more ppl dont undastand.

wat for?

coz they r NOT in my shoes.

okay.

im juz tired.

i need to sleep.

tc.

malay

2010-05-26T23:28:00.002+08:00

Hati aku sakit giler siak nari.
Da lar penat. abeh byk bende nk buat.
abeh satu2 perangai.
aku terus takde mood.
haiz.
hati aku sakit & kecewa banget.
aku sedih sebenarnyer.
kenape nie kene terjadi kat aku?
kenape?
aku cuba fikir. ape salah aku?
aku sedih sngt.
tapi aku da berjanji dgn diri aku ni, AKU takkan Menangis lagi.
tapi, bile aku terkenang & teringat, aku sedih.
ape yg aku ckp mmg btol.
hati aku sakit sngt.
nasib baik ader Shameer.
at least dier tlg aku jgk.
haiz.
aku pon tak tau ape salah yg aku da lakukan.
Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku.
bangunkan aku drpd mimpi2 nie.
aku tk sanggop nk tempuh dugaan & cabaran nie lagi.
aku tk sanggop.
insya'Allah.
aku akan pandang ke-hadapan skrg.
YEAH!

aku da tak kuase lagi!!!
PENAT doinks!!
tc.

child-ish??

2010-05-25T12:51:00.002+08:00

People can be childish at times eventho how old or young u are.
haha. for instance, myself.
haha.
cant u guys see. d childish-ness on me?
hmm.
i thot i can start my day with a wonderful moment.
but i was wronged.
can u stop looking FOR me?
juz order wat YOU feel like to order.
haiz. hmm, apart from it.
i dont know wassup now.
hmm, u wanna discuss with me but end up, u talking & smiling.
& u telling me abt that bitch's name?
fcuking shit.
haiz.
i had enuf.
nehmind.
it HAS happened, rite ruru?
hmm.
& yes.
i felt lost when im at work.
really lost.
but im trying to regain back my loss of interest @ work.
instead, im pulling myself up.
from sinking into the sea.
i dont want to sink into d deep sea.
i wanna float on top.
i wanna be onshore.
& i promise, i WILL.
yeah.
apart from it. hmm.
thats all.

trust me.
today will be a better day for me.
like yes, i know.
ive said this many times.
hehe.
hmm, till then.
i know i can survive & resists.

'Actions speaks louder than words.'
Dumb-ass.

peace & joy

2010-05-24T23:45:00.002+08:00

Ok.
ill juz stop here.
today juz shows everything.
really.
nevertheless.
im fine with anything.
really i am.
coz i expected it.
& d way i shoot u, haha.
i loike it so much.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku.
KAU tenteramkan hidupku ini.
Aku tak sanggop menderita sebegini.
aku da penat
dgn ini semua.
tenangkan fikiran aku ini.
tunjukkan aku
ke jalan yg lurus & sebenar.
hilangkan dier drpd ingatan aku.
Amin.

hmm. tmr gonna be a gd day for me.
yeah.
ill see wat time i wake up tmr.
if not, say gdbye.
u're gonna be late. haha.
but its okay.
i guess somebody's willing to wake u up.
& i wont be accompanying u to buy lappy.
coz i think u dont need my companion anymore.
ok go.
settos!
im gg to enjoy my off day tmr.
PEACE!

2010-05-24T00:19:00.001+08:00

Ive made my mum worried.
thks to u.
every night, without fail, ill talk to my mum.
or d other way round.
she always there for me.
in my mum's eyes, im still a kid.
yes.
she told me that day.
'do u think that im not sad when i see u like this?'
i was touched with wat she told me.
im sorry mama for making u worried.
im sorry mama.
Really i am sorry.
i will not make u worry anymore.
trust me.

btw, ystd.
i was like fcuked pissed with that bitch.
i lost my pride a lil ystd.
i smiled at her upon gg home.
wtf. how can i do that?
but no worries.
i guess it will be my first & d last moment i did that to her.

but people, im doing fine already.
really.
im trying to managing myself. ok.
thks for all d concern & love guys.

peace. tc.

'''''..............''''

2010-05-23T10:50:00.002+08:00

i felt relieved.
but one moment, i broke down.
but, i managed to pull myself up.
to see d real future.
to see d real world.

im not gg to let anyone down.
YES!
take care.

How do u feel?

2010-05-21T08:12:00.002+08:00

How do u feel : =

> When someone whom u know for like 6mths, suddenly changed?
> When someone whom u r close with for like 6mths, suddenly changed?
> When someone whom u undastands alot for like 6mths, suddenly changed?
> When someone whom u always shares everything for like 6mths, suddenly changed?
> When someone whom u always gives surprised for like 6mths, suddenly changed?
> When someone whom u think makes a good fren for like 6mths, suddenly changed?
> When someone whom that person rely on for like 6mths, suddenly changed?
> When someone whom that person always msg everyday w/out fail for like 6mths, suddenly changed?
> When someone whom that person alternately call u for like 6mths, suddenly changed?
> When someone whom u haf that strong instinct & chemistry for like 6mths, suddenly changed?

TELL ME!!
HOW DO U FEEL??

Personally, i feel SHITTY & DISAPPOINTED.
Im SAD at one moment.
but this is life.
i know, i undastand.
PEOPLE do change.
but i dont LIKE DRASTIC changes.
ive experienced it before, during my poly years.
& i thot working life years wont experience this.
BUT I WAS WRONG.
this situation really proves me wrong.
im juz disappointed.
really disappointed.
coz when i think back, where do i go wrong?
coz when i think back, wat did i do wrong?
coz when i think back, how did i go wrong?
its really heartpain.
not only we realise, BUT some others out there.
i really dont wanna experience this.
BUT THIS IS LIFE.
take it or leave it.
i think ill take it & ill leave it.

Juz bcz of someone whom u know not long, u forgot the other someone whom u knew for 6mths, whom u SHARED everything in d past.
yeah, i HAVE to accept the fact that everything happened for a reason.
now i believe.
FRENS COME & GO.
yeah.
thks for opened up my mind lil fren.
u SHOWED me ALOT of things.
from good to bad to worst.
u r NOT the ONLY one in d world.
& ive showed u how i dont fcuk care abt u anymore.
yes.
theres no more 'LOVE' btwn us.
my 'LOVE' is for other people WHO deserve it!

& to the young bitch.
TAKE IT BITCH.
really. i dont want.
& to the young bitch, BEST OF LUCK.
Young bitch, YOU taught me how to be patience this time.
i learnt from it.
thks so much.
but no worries.
that ONE FINE DAY will come soon.

as for now, thks for ALL d changes.
disappointed & saddening.
BUT i know, im moving on now.

woohoo..
say gd luck to me coz One go, ONE come.
yes!
tc guys.

peace!

....

2010-05-19T22:32:00.002+08:00

time n time again.
im slowly fading everything off.
im doing gd now.
im not lying.
coz i dont care a shit abt it anymore.
yes.
some may say that i haven move on or so.
maybe u guys are not me, thats why.
but yeah, only myself & god knows how im doing.
forget abt this.
coz ive closed d chapter.

my life?
ive been sick.
here & there.
gg to get sick soon.
but i haf to hold it on till mth end.
more things coming rite up next wk.
i cant fall sick too soon.
i still need d energy.
for the IS team, im willing to stay strong.
Yesh!!
i will.

no matter wat,
work is work.
Personal is personal.
& young lady, the day will come.

ended nicely

2010-05-15T07:15:00.002+08:00

It's ALL good.. hmm.
really.
i ended it with a clear heart & mind.
but one thing for sure, i dont know wat u want currently.
but i know wat i want.
ill juz for THAT ONE day to come. where u will come begging & crawling.
yeah.
everything's cool now.
im all alone.
my mind is healthy now.
YAHOOO...
take care.

off YOU go

2010-05-12T01:00:00.002+08:00

Hey. dont u dare looked at me like that.
I had enuf.
i seriously had enuf.
ill stopped it now.
wef from 12th May. i will.
stop!!!
thats my promise.
no matter wat, u didnt come into my life.
AT ALL.
thks so much.
STOP IMPY.
STOP IT OKAY.
i will. dont worry.

hmm

2010-05-11T10:39:00.003+08:00

I had a talk with mum.
Mum told me something.
I was sceptical abt it when mum told me that.
she showed me something.
& i know im gonna say it for myself.
so that i dont haf to think again & again.
better still, i dont want anything to do with u anymore.
but i cant.
we cant.
ive told u guys b4, i wanna let go.
but in this situation, both are reluctant to let go.
thats why i need to clarify ALOT of things now.
but for d moment, i dont think its necessary to leave it like that.
ill really move on.
will be back again.

Back off Young Bitch

2010-05-10T15:57:00.002+08:00

Ive told u time & time again.
You dont wanna listen.
Now, see d whole situation.
seeing d bitch shows everything.
i know, i feel & i sense.
how many times must i tell u?
u didnt say anything to me i dont mind.
but then, u cant lie to me.
how many times must i tell u?
now, everything's cleared.
hey Young Lady. Back off a lil.
step back a lil.
in this game, im in d winning position.
i scored more than u.
i guess.
yes, initially, u scored a lil bit more than me.
but now, never.
i won u.
hey Young Lady, Excuse me.
dont do this.
guys wont entertain this shits.
hey Young Lady, dont u stare at me like that.
dont u.
if u keep staring at me, ill do something abt it.
ill make it as if it is my problem.
Young Lady, dont seduce him.
yes, at 1st, he took it. ur seduction.
guys wat.
now. NEVER.

i had a talked with lil stranger.
everyday, we began to be more opened up.
now i know d real reason.
d reason of all this shits.
lil stranger. i dont know whos lying.
let me juz judge & observe.
but somehow or rather u know my feeling.
when i msged u that, ytd's nite, immediately u called me.
i didnt picked up & u knew why.
but i called u back afta reading ur reply.
we talked.
lil stranger. make a right choice.

sometimes looks is so deceiving.
fcuk shit!
Young Lady.
juz be prepared ok.

chillax.
dont let impy come into the situation.
gdness.
haiz.
take care.

lil stranger.
everyday its very very different.
how different?
only WE know.

i shudnt be feeling it

2010-05-08T00:43:00.002+08:00

My eyes r sleepy.
My body is aching.
My mind is tired.
My heart is beating fast.
BUT i cant get to sleep.
i really cant.
i dont know why.
all i think is YOU.
no wonder.
my heart beats so fast.
really fast that im afraid something is happening out there.
i dont know why.
i was chatting happily with my cuzzy, Matt.
then suddenly, my heart beats damn fast.
i dont know why.
without 2nd thots, immediately i msged u.
asking 'r u okay?'
& i guess u r shocked abt the qns rite?
i cudnt imagine how will it be.
haiz.
u made me so effing worried.
& i dont know why u r in my top list when something's not right.
lil stranger, when can u stop all this?
u really made me worried to the max.
i cant get to sleep now!!
im happy u r safe home.
but i dont know whether or not u r really home.
coz my heart seems not right anymore.
still d same, but has subsidies.
haiz. why lil stranger?
why must u do this to me??
haiz.
but i hope everything's fine.
insya'Allah. Amin.
till then ppl, i TRY to get some sleep.

nites.
lil stranger. haiz.

head spins. body & mind not working.

2010-05-05T10:02:00.002+08:00

& i think its time for me.
its time for me to move on.
WOOOHOOOO....
i think ive moved on.
coz i felt the part of me is leaving u behind.
yeah.
eventho its hard for me to do so, i HAF TO DO IT!!
no matter wat.
really.
come to think abt it, i think ive made a gd choice.
NOW, i dont need to think abt it anymore.
i felt a lil bit relieved.
but then a part of me saying another things.
some asked to give him a chance, but some asked to let go.
hmm.
so how?
& i WILL.
yeah.
this time is for real.
trust me.
ive moved on.
woohooo...
im happy now.
really.

oh well. enuf for my personal. coz ive talked too much abt it.
oh yeah, apart from it.
ytd i went meeting.
for d very 1st time.
it was an experience for a j/capt like me to go there.
haha.
i felt small when im there.
really.
oh ya.
met d boifren afta so long i didnt meet/talk/call him.
i really miss u ok, boifren.
meeting & zone meeting was fine.
really.
nothing much to be said.
hmm, another thing was that, afta zone meeting, went back outlet.
my head spinned like a total mad gal.
halfway thru d meeting, it hurts.
saw d boifren, smoking b4 i head off to outlet.
i hugged him.
i felt relieved when i hugged him coz i miss him d most.
really.
i was super stressed up with everything happened.
but boifren, thks for the hug.
love it. & i miss u.
on top of that, everything is fine now.
im happy with wat i am now.
& i know, i will find someone better than YOU.

yeah.
trust me.
its over NOW.. haha.

take care guys.
till then.
6th may oit!!! i know its tmr but im happy for the 6th!!
wooohooo.. CV MATES, here i come...

<<<<>>>>>

2010-05-01T07:55:00.002+08:00

Im pretty shagged up ytd.
Went home, rest for lil while, ate my LATE LATE lunch/dinner/supper, bath & off i go to my lalaland.
Pretty tired sia.
its so sucky to haf this kinda feeling.
wow.
body aching, mind not working & leg is tired.
ARGH!!!!!!
everybody's tired. Yeah.
today, working afternoon.
LUCKY me.
hehe.
i wanted to help them ytd since i left outlet at 8pm, but hmm.
i was forced to go home.
haha.
yeah.
but nehmind, i think everything's shud be okay ar.
people, lets bear with it ok.
hmm, talking abt another thing before i ended this post,
its hard for me to let go.
everyday it seems more & more different.
haiz.
TELL ME!!

gone

2010-04-29T23:00:00.002+08:00

why do u haf to let go of ur bike when u promised me to go riding tgt?
why do u haf to let go of ur bike when u promised me that ill be ur pillion?
WHY?
haiz.
so this is it.
i know it's for ur own good. hmm.
it's good though.
Insya'Allah, maybe one day ill taste ur bike?
haha.
ive tasted ur riding of BIKE.
hehe.
that day & moment will come man.
hmm.
apart from that, im very sad actually.
yes, ive experienced something like that.
but its okay though.
who knows, one day ill be tasting ur driving of CAR.
hehe.
takpe lar.
asalkan u happy sudah cukup ok.
hehe.
ok lar peeps.
gonna sleep soon.
tmr will be yet another day.
long day i guess? haha.
ok then.
tc peeps.
see u arnd aites.
PEACE.

& i find it hard to let u go lil stranger.
almost every single day im trying to avoid u.
BUT u kept coming to my life.
not begging but comes thru like that.
lil stranger, tell me.
is it difficult or our telepathy is strong?

gd nite.

Heart stabbed

2010-04-27T23:03:00.002+08:00

My heart.
being stabbed like this.
time & time again.
i hope its healing.
healing until theres no more tears coming out.
sometimes its good to cry ur lungs out coz in dat way, it make u feel better.
let me feel it.
let me.
no matter wat, thks.
ill make sure tmr will be a better & new day for me.
thank GOD for the light once again.

huh?

2010-04-27T12:19:00.002+08:00

It's MY OFF day again.
yahoo.
its been like 2weeks im off on tuesday.
thks Ivan.
maybe he purposely did that.
i feel u man.
hmm.
but its ok though.
at least im gonna rest the whole day.
dont wanna think abt work.
maybe later at night then.
im gonna sleep then when i wake up, ill think of work. hehe.
ive got alot of homeworks to be done & finish.
month end coming right up.
gotta gear myself up for month end coz im counting d stocks.
haha.
my 1st time though.
really.
hmm.
feeling excited.
i shud haf gotten myself a pencil-case with stationeries.
hehe.
from pencil to pen to highlighter to liquid paper to eraser to everything.
its like BACK TO SCHOOL basis.
haha.
nehmind.
for the sake of my work.
ill buy all that.
by today.
after my sleep.
hmm, well.
today my mind is in a relaxing mode.
hehe.
i neva told lil stranger that im off.
lol.
serve him right.
this is d 1st lie.
oops impy.
its NOT good to revenge on ppl.
haha.
i didnt ok.
i didnt even tell him im off or wat-so-eva.
he got eyes rite?
so he SHUD know wat.
hmm.
apart from that.
working morning all the way till fri.
sat, im doing closing.
BUT im NOT d barista. =(.
haiz.
its okay.
will be doing floor.
woohoo..
orite.
i wanna say thks for everything.
lil stranger.
ok.
STOP IMPY, STOP IT!!!

ok.
im currently been having flu for this past 3-4days.
been over-working myself for the past 1wk.
thot of brging my 'love' out for a ride.
but then, im sick & tired.
i hope my 'love' will undastand.
sorry 'love'.
ill brg u out soon.
fri i guess?
ok?
apart from it.
i hope everything turned out well.

& why.
why when i wanna let u go, u came back to my life.
its like as if u can feel & undastand that im letting u go?
hmm.
its all abt the time ok.
dont force me.
neither will i force u.
take care lovely ppl.
gotta go now.
gonna catch my afternoon nap. tc guys.

i WILL let

2010-04-26T10:49:00.002+08:00

I will haf to let u go away from my life.
the way we r now, it sucks.
i dont know why im like this.
but things haf gotten out of d way.
i hate this feeling.
u made me feel this.
u told me how & why i know?
do i need to explain again?
ive told u once & i want u to undastand.
but this time round, im sure.
YOU DONT FCUKING UNDASTAND.
why?
this is based on my instincts & feelings.
i dont know how & why.
neither do i know wats gg on now.
currently feeling: SUCKS.
i havent been wearing d band anymore.
i think ill not wear it anymore.
i dont want.
let it be.
let it lose.
coz thats wat i want.
ill fade u away.
from memory to memory.
till then.
thks lil stranger.
FOR EVERYTHING.
for everything that u haf lied to me & all.
u lied to me time & time again.
& i WILL lie to u. time & time again.
ill slowly do it.
that way, we both will hate each other.
i will do that.
if u keep lying to me, ur life will be in miserable.
trust me.
u will.

& apart from it.
work is work.
personal is personal.
i know.
i know it.
till then.
energy level is LOW.
haiz.
gonna recharged it tmr. full batt.
hmm.
till then.
take care ppl.
will meet u guys again..

lil stranger, thks for all the efforts in lying & not believing.
i will. from time to time, forget u.
right Liyan?
my FYP fren will fade away in my memory.

tc.

u disappoints me

2010-04-22T10:44:00.002+08:00

i dont want this to happen again.
this is so shitty.
no doubt i dont feel like talking juz now.
this is wat happened.
reading back all d msgs from ytd, i felt something.
something different.
i dont know wats that, but its something different.
but why?
why do u haf to do this?
i dont need u to explain to me.
coz i know.
i know & undastand.
like i told u guys before, my heart & instinct plays an important role in my life.
i can feel & sense.
strongly.
no matter wat.
i know how my life works.
u lied to me.
u do this to me.
one day, u will haf d same kind of treatment like how u did to me.
u will.
u will feel.
i promise u to that.
im serious.
lil stranger, can we stop it?
i took out d band.
i dont know, at that moment i took out without hesitation.
sorry LLL.
if u get wat i mean. d frenship band.
haiz.
nehmind, once my heart & mind cools down, ill wear it back.
till then.
tc.
off to work soon.

wooho

2010-04-20T22:35:00.003+08:00

TODAY.
off day.
& i know ive not been updating ALL of my blogs.
haha.
ive been bz lar.
now more paperworks need to be done.
but its okay.
im doing fine now.
hehe.
im trying to lead a simple & humble life.
like how Zamzi said in his fb's wall.
i love his status.
ok ok.
work was fine.
i think i shudnt elaborate more rite?
ppl haf eyes.
they can see, they can sense, they can feel.
all d more is.
TCC is d one who pays U. NOT anyone else.
so wat for u need to feel scared or insecured.
but certain things im feeling 50-50.
not much to elaborate coz i dont feel like saying here.
many ppl r reading.
but out of THAT many ppl reading, THEY dont feel it.
hmm.
emo again?
haha.
u guys know something.
im trying my best to keep my emotions gg low & all.
this is thks to somebody.
sometimes, we cant control.
but im trying my best to NOT show my emotions.
hehe.
apart from it.
hope everything is fine.
50-50 or 90-10 % of chances?

2010-04-18T01:31:00.002+08:00

Work.
effing shit today.
everything was in a mess.
wateva rudy planned in d station chart, ivan neva follow.
wth.
i was supposed to do bar, but then.
haiz.
things got messed up.
dang!
i dont know how & wat i shud do now.
& all i wanna say IS i dont wanna do SECTION B again!
with ......................
hmm.
only IS staffs know.
haiz.
it HAS already happened rite?
then let it be.
hmm.
apart from it.
nxt wk schedule.
SUXS TO D CORE.
haiz.
but wat to do.
& thks Rudy for taking morning shift for me again.
hehe.
coz i complained to him that doing morning shift is effing tiring.
hehe.
especially every single day u do morning.
thks man.
hmm.
i dont wanna say abt work anymore.
if u guys see how i am now, u will know.
tc guys.

i feel bad

2010-04-12T22:47:00.002+08:00

i dont know why.
suddenly i feel bad.
this bad feeling has been with me for so long.
i dont know how am i supposed to say it out.
i cant keep the bad feeling anymore.
neither can i breakdown for that particular reason.
suddenly, i feel d urge of disappointed in myself.
like i hide alot of things to lil stranger.
when i suddenly thot of it over at work.
wat i tell liyan, suddenly when i reached home, i msged lil stranger.
i dont know why i msged him like that.
but then, deep in my heart, im sorry for keeping ALOT of things from u.
i know i shudnt be doing that coz, a part of me still keep saying that u must know.
i was waiting for huiru.
wanna talk to her.
asked her to go online.
talked for juz a few convo suddenly i dont feel like talking.
i told her, im sorry i dont feel like talking.
appear offline.
i did the worst thing eva.
to her.
im sorry ruru.
suddenly i cant put myself to talk neither can i brg myself to tell u wats lying beneath.
i tried to put myself to sleep mode.
but i cant sleep.
i msged lil stranger & tell him wats lying beneath my heart.
i dont wanna hide anything from him anymore.
but i need time, need time to tell him d truth.
& i will.
i will find a right time to eventually tell him everything.
& this time is for sure.
coz i kept alot of things from him.
its not alot ar.
but my heart doesnt feel right.
i must & die2 tell him everything.
i dont know how i shud tell him.
but when he replied, hes concern.
juz that hes in doubt whether is it bcz of work or personal?
personally, theres nothing to hide coz ive shown him my real me.
work wise. yurp. thats d thing.
i replied. i told him ill tell everything. but not now coz i dont feel like talking.
2hrs later.
i received a msg from him.
long msg.
i was awaken up by my tone.
then again, i didnt sleep.
juz that my mind has alot of things.
his msgs was depth.
really. d meaning.
& im sorry lil stranger that u didnt sleep well bcz of me.
i can see from d msgs u sent me.
i know.
sorry lil stranger.
i didnt sleep well too.
sleep then an hr later, wakes up.
thats my cycle for d day.
why?
haiz.
no matter wat.
thks lil stranger for the words.
to Rurulove. its not bcz of u that i dont wanna talk.
i juz dont feel like talking.
& i didnt broke down.
i didnt cry BUT i cried in my heart.
u shud undastand.
im sorry rurulove.
ill talk to u soon i guess?
thks for the concern.
i love d both of u & Liyan, u r included. so its 3!
oh gosh!
i MISS limliling.

the love of home fades

2010-04-12T09:50:00.003+08:00

this is life.
i dont undastand what my home wants.
did i eva go home fucking late at night every single day?
did i eva do that?
BUT WHY?
once in a while, when i go home late, u guys make a BIG BIG FUSS??
how can i tahan like that?
yes i know.
u guys are worried abt me.
yes, i know.
but then u guys gotta undastand that i didnt even do THAT FUCKING thing every single day.
& do u guys know wat probs ive been facing outside?
do u?
NOPE.
did u eva undastand that actually i DONT WANNA go home afta work coz i felt that theres nothing for me to do at home afta work.
i make my home like a hotel.
check in to sleep then check out to go work.
my off day.
yes, i didnt stay at home during my off day.
but then, ytd was d only day i went out.
i haf to see d world.
ive NOT been seeing d world for so long.
i hate the feeling of being left out in d world.
why am i different?
why?
tell me.
i hate this feeling.
do u know that i dragged myself home everyday.
coz i got no more feeling of love & family here.
i didnt talk to my mum that often compared to last time.
how to talk?
with my hectic workload & schedule.
sometimes i dont haf time to talk sia at home.
& do u guys think i love my home now?
NOPE.
really.
i dont feel d feeling of love anymore BECAUSE.
my mum doesnt cook nice food like how she used to.
im so yearned to eat homecooked food like how she used to cook.
BUT THEN.
my mum juz cook food that she likes & i hate the dishes.
thats why ive been eating fastfood.
i dont eat home food now.
once in a while.
coz im juz sick & tired of my home.
i hate this feeling WHEN im juz outside for like 3-4hrs, then ppl keep msging me saying.
'what time r u gg home?'
'where r u?'
'even if u r not working morning shift tmr, come home early?'
WHAT?
yes.
i know.
u guys are worried of me coz im d only child & i ride bike.
yes i know.
but then, theres always a limit to everything.
once a while, u guys need to give me some space.
really.
i didnt do that for every single day.
i didnt.
afta work, i went home straight.
but then.
haiz.
i cant comment anymore.
i feel like im not part of the family sia.
sometimes, i feel sad.
i wanted to cry.
ive been having a bad bad day over at work.
then im having another bad day over at home.
tell me.
how it works.
now, my tears juz cant drop anymore.
its becoming more & more hard for me to cry.
coz ive told myself not to let my emotions get over me.
thats wat i promised lil stranger.
im becoming more & more strong.
but then, in my heart, i wasnt a strong lady.
i still cry in my heart.
i still.
but all i wanted was.
can u give me some space?
i didnt mix with ANY bad people out there.
i didnt.
i know who & where i mix.
trust me.
haiz.
im sad.
i hope this thing will end soon.
i want the love back.
=(

i shudnt.

2010-04-12T01:14:00.001+08:00

i shudnt haf done that in d movie theatre.
sorry lil stranger.
when i did that, i felt bad.
i was juz thinking abt u.
but no worries guys coz i did NOTHING that is NOT within my control.
haiz.
its all abt the love from my homy.